#this song in particular scratch my brain the right way

[hxmicide]

''you've bewitched me body and soul this'', ''you're the bane of my existence and the object of my desire'' that, yeah yeah but what about ''I will fall in love with you, over and over again, I dont care how, where or when, youre mine!''

[wigglys-dikrats]

my only problem with pulp is that i can’t inject it directly into my bloodstream

[festivalsofmargot]

how do you think Ominis, Garreth, and Sebastian would react to a jealous reader being jealous because someone else was being flirty and asking them to the Yule Ball?

The 3 Boys & Your Jealousy

{Garreth Weasley/Ominis Gaunt/Sebastian Sallow x GN!Reader}

Word Count: 

Garreth: ~ 1500 words

Ominis: ~ 1700 words

Sebastian: ~ 1400 words

Warnings: Kissing, Fluff, Angst

Author’s Note: Lord, I’m having so much fun with these requests. Thank you, anon!!! I tried to make them all have different reactions to reader getting jealous, but I know they’d all secretly love it lmfao. So it’s a little similar, but it’s definitely the 3 boys enjoying it in their own way. Have a fun time, everyone 🥰 Hope you’re all having a good day ❤ 

Songs (if interested):

Garreth’s song: You Stupid Bitch - girl in red

Ominis’ song: Silence / akiaura - hentai boys, akiaura

Sebastian’s song: My Kind of Woman - Mac DeMarco

-

Garreth:

“I feel like you’ve been avoiding me. Did I do something wrong?” Garreth Weasley had come up to you and asked. For someone who was asking if something was wrong, he could look a bit more concerned. Rather than just munching on his apple, looking at it like it was the only thing that had his full attention.

You took a deep breath and rubbed at your temple roughly. You were overreacting and you knew it, but dammit you couldn’t help but hate him at the moment. “No Garreth, I’m just not in the best mood today.”

“Well, talk to me.” He plopped himself down on the Central Hall fountain bench next to you. “Some have called me a good listener.” He took another bite of his apple, obnoxiously loud.

“Not right now. Why don’t you go bother someone else?”

“Who else could I bother like this? You and I got a good thing going.” He haphazardly joked.

“How about your date to the ball? That’s a good place to start if you ask me.”

He furrowed his brows, trying to decipher what you were talking about. Then he remembered Samantha Dale had asked him to be his date the night before. “Oh! You know about that? How does word travel so fast in such a huge castle?” He wondered aloud with his mouth full, looking at his apple as he turned it in his hand.

Merlin, you didn’t know why you were so head over heels for Garreth Weasley. Something about his carefree, aloof attitude made you fluttery all over. You wanted to smack him just as much as you wanted to kiss him. 

Truth be told, you were convinced he was going to ask you to The Yule Ball. But once you saw Samantha Dale talking with him about it and seeing how big his smile was, you became so frustrated with yourself for ever thinking such a thing. How could you have been so wrong about his signs? You shouldn’t have assumed your flirty banter together was something special between the two of you. You had no one to blame but yourself.

“Look Garreth, I’m pretty busy. Samantha will be better company than me today.” You took out the essay you were halfway finished with and began writing, hoping he would take the hint.

He was about to take another bite of his apple when the pieces came together in his brain. You think I said yes to Samantha... and you're jealous. 

It was hard to keep calm when he felt so elated. He had been pining for you since 5th year and never had the courage to confess his feelings. Being with you as a friend was better than risking not being with you at all. But here you were, acting as green as his eyes. Becoming jumpy, he scratched the back of his head and looked away from you, trying to bite back his delighted smile.

“So...” He began as casually as he could, “You don’t like the idea of me going to the ball with Samantha?”

You stiffened. Am I caught? You swallowed the lump in your throat. “I don’t care who you go with, Weasley.”

You used his last name instead of his first, that was how he always knew if you were upset with him. In this particular moment, he took a dark pleasure in it. “Well, it sounds like you care a little.” 

You looked up from your essay to the marble floor in front of you and clenched your jaw, trying to calm your irritated nerves and stop yourself from saying something you’d regret. “It doesn’t matter if I care. Go with who you want.” You went back to your essay.

“But you care.” He slid closer to you so that his thigh was touching yours. Your whole body tensed and you shifted your leg away, disgusted at his brazenness to continue flirting with you when he was going to the ball with someone else.

“I’m going to work in my room.” You pulled your belongings together and left your place next to him.

Garreth got up and followed you easily, finishing the last of his apple and tossing it in a nearby bin. He rubbed the back of his hand across his mouth to wipe off any apple juice. Maybe he could wipe off his idiotic smile while he was at it too. 

You could feel his chest practically against your back as he followed close in pursuit. “Leave me alone, Garreth. I’m really not in the mood today.” You growled at him, but he didn’t let up. 

He took glances around as he kept up with you. Once he was confident no one was looking, he grabbed your arm and pulled you into a nearby, empty corridor.

“What are you -”

“Tell me you’re jealous. I want to hear you say it.” 

His words sent your mind through a whirlwind and you shoved him away. “You got some nerve, going to the ball with Samantha and going after me like this -”

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake! I turned her down. School gossip failed to mention that part, I see.” He interjected. “Now let me have this a little longer.” He stepped closer to you, daring you to push him away again. “This thing where you want me all to yourself, I think I really like it.” His words came off as a jest, but he was genuinely aroused.

You narrowed your eyes at him, trying to determine if he was being truthful or just trying to keep up his flirty banter with you. But your icy glare at him through your lashes only made him more feral rather than intimidated. 

“I -” He cleared his throat, regaining composure. “I’ve been looking for you all day so I could ask you to the ball, but you kept dodging me.”

“Garreth, if this is some sort of messed up joke where you try to get two dates to the ball -”

“It’s not. But, that is a fun idea.” He quipped, hoping it would lighten the mood. 

Sighing, you turned on your heel to walk away.

“Sorry sorry sorry, bad joke, bad time.” He grabbed your wrist, panicked. “But I’m serious about taking you. I really want to take you.” He swallowed thickly and held your wrist in his hand. “Would you... want that too?” As he waited for you to respond, he had started stroking your skin with his thumb, unaware he was doing so.

His hopeful look along with his tone had managed to convince you he was being truthful. This was the first step either of you had taken beyond flirty banter, and it had you finally soften to him that day. You looked at his hand on your wrist and adjusted so you could entwine your fingers through his. His heart nearly burst out of his chest. Was this finally happening?

You looked up at him then, but locked on his lips rather than his eyes. Heat formed in his abdomen at your gaze. He used his free hand to cup your jaw. The dark look in your eyes told him you had the same severe craving for him as he did you. He eased towards you and brushed his lips over yours.

He pulled back to gauge your reaction. You looked at him with wide eyes and for a brief moment, he thought he had messed up and taken it too far. But all that panic went away when you dropped your books and threw your arms around him, seizing his lips, taking all coyness between you two and throwing it out the window.

Your sudden burst had rocked him both physically and mentally. Gripping you back, hard and fast, he steadied himself, stepping on your essay as he did so. He matched your eager mouth movements with just as much intensity. 

Needing to come back up for air, you pulled back. You looked at each other, breathless. All that tension between you two through the years had finally been able to get released at least somewhat.

“You looked so happy when Samantha asked you. I assumed you said yes.” You told him, still catching your breath.

He hadn’t realized you had been there to see Samantha asking him to the ball. He was both sorry you didn’t catch him rejecting her and sorry you had to catch it at all. Merlin only knows how he would have handled watching someone else asking you. “She’s a good friend, I mean I wasn’t going to scowl or laugh her off. I was letting her down as easy as I could.”

“I’m sorry I was jealous.”

He kept his face close to yours and glanced back at your lips, ready for more. “I’m sorry I enjoyed it.”

“No, you’re not.” 

“I’m not.” He captured your lips once more.

- 

Ominis:

Ominis was in a full on panic. He hadn’t the faintest idea what he had done wrong. He may be blind, but he could sense, clear as day, that you were upset with him. 

He was pacing back and forth in his dorm room when he was supposed to be at dinner. The sickness he felt had made it hard for him to want to digest anything.

He had been up at all hours of the night thinking about how he was going to ask you to The Yule Ball. But every time he tried to approach you that day, you’d take your leave. He thought he would have gotten his chance in History of Magic class, but everything seemed off. You usually tried to sit close to him and brush your fingers along his, it excited him each and every time. But today, he felt as if you were sitting as far as you possibly could from him.

He was trying to think back on everything that happened before you became so drastically distant. The last time he remembers you two being fine was when he had finally built up the courage to ask you that morning. 

Sebastian had pushed him to do it and fueled his ego to prep him, affirming that he saw the way you looked at him and how you weren’t so subtle about it. He was filled with so much joy, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling like a buffoon when he went to talk to you. 

“Ominis!” You had greeted him so cheerfully, it had removed any doubt in what Sebastian told him. As he was about to greet you back, Adelaide Oakes had touched his shoulder from behind to grab his attention. She then went on and on about how she fancied him, and took the ball as her chance to finally tell him how she felt. He had never been so overwhelmed with romantic attention in his life, it only fueled his confidence more. His words came out in a stutter to Adelaide to thank her but decline. It was difficult to turn someone down while grinning like a fool.

“I um - I'll leave you two to it.” He heard you say before he finished speaking with Adelaide. Your footsteps behind him had walked away so fast, he would have believed it if you were running. And ever since, for some reason you’ve been... oh. It hit him then. You must have assumed he was going to say yes to Adelaide. You couldn’t possibly be jealous, could you? If you were, he needed to find you and fix this immediately. But damn him if he wasn’t a bit thrilled at the idea.

He had his wand guide him to the first place he thought you could be in, the astronomy tower. It was late in the day, he was sure you’d be there. As he made his way up, he found his excitement at your jealousy swelling. You weren’t jealous because he was a Gaunt, a descendant of Salazar Slytherin, going with someone else. No, you were jealous because he was Ominis, a boy you liked for who he was, going with someone else. Or so you thought.

When his wand brought him to the astronomy tower and sensed you were close, he felt a bit of pride that he knew you as well as he thought he did. But he steadied himself, remembering you were upset with him. Coming at you beaming probably wasn’t the best approach.

“Ominis? What brings you here?” Your voice was monotone, nowhere near as pleased to see him as you were earlier.

He was relieved you were willing to speak to him rather than run off. “I needed to talk to you. Figured you’d be up here.” He approached cautiously.

You furrowed your brows, wondering what he could possibly need you for. Oh you’d just die if he wanted to ask for advice on how to treat Adelaide well at the ball. You turned away from him and lazily looked through your telescope. “Probably best we talk tomorrow.”

“You’re upset with me.”

You peeked up at him briefly, knowing it wasn’t fair to be, then went back to your telescope. You exhaled, inwardly chiding yourself. Ominis doesn’t owe you anything. “I’m sorry, I’ve just... had a lot on my mind.”

His wand guided him to the railing you were near and he leaned himself against it. “I’m all ears.” Part of him wanted to clear everything up as soon as possible, but another, increasingly louder part of him wanted to hear you confess that you were jealous, confess that you didn’t want anyone else to have him but you. So, he dared to play coy a little longer.

“You don’t want to hear what I have to say.”

“Try me.” The way he said it had taken you aback, as if he was telling you, not asking you, to talk to him.

“And what if I don’t want to tell you?” You looked back up at him, a bit of venom coming through.

He took a few steps towards your voice. I think I like this game. He knew he shouldn’t find your jealousy this exhilarating, but he did. He wanted it to absorb you until you couldn’t stand it anymore.

The look on his face stirred something fierce in you and you tried to take a quiet, calming breath. You hoped he wouldn’t hear you doing so, but he did, and it only added fuel to his fire.

“I don’t hear you walking away, so I think you do want to tell me.” He reached out for your robes and pulled at you to come closer to him. 

You had been weak for Ominis Gaunt since 5th year, so you obliged. But you didn’t do so without internally screaming at yourself for being such a fool. 

Despite being so close, you kept your hands to yourself, he noted. But he could sense your body tensing and he knew you were close to talking. He just needed to hold out a bit longer, push you just so in the right direction. “You’re angry with me, tell me why.” He knew why.

“I shouldn’t be angry with you.”

“Yet you are.”

“I am.”

“Tell me what I’ve done.”

“You... haven’t done anything.”

His grip moved from your robe to your waist, he could feel you shift at his touch, but you didn’t pull away. “I have, tell me.”

“You know, you shouldn’t be up here with me alone, touching me like you are. Wouldn’t want Adelaide or me getting the wrong idea, would you?” He could hear the bitterness in your voice, and it was sending him over the edge. You shoved his hand away and went to the railing, leaning forward and looking out. “I don’t think you mean to, Ominis. But you’re really messing with my head. Looking as happy as you were when Adelaide asked you to the ball, and now you’re here acting like you care for me.”

He followed your voice again and came up behind you. His hands found your shoulders and he comfortingly slid them down to your biceps. His touch still had the same, nerve-racking affect on you. You shrugged him off and turned to face him. He put both hands on the railing on either side of you, trapping you in. “I do care for you.”

As a friend. You wanted to finish for him. Him saying this to you knowing he was going to The Yule Ball with Adelaide hurt. Ominis was the last person who should be comforting you. “I need to go.” You nearly choked, heartbreak constricting your throat. But Ominis kept you blocked in, he wasn’t going to let you leave. 

“Tell me why I’ve upset you.”

Being in this position with him had an inferno swirling in you. Being able to see his pale, blue eyes this close had any fight in you vanish. “I wanted... you to ask me to The Yule Ball today. I wanted you to go with me, not Adelaide.” 

He leaned forward towards your neck and brushed his nose along your skin. 

Your melancholy turned into something else at his touch, something more throbbing. You reached your hands up along his chest, felt his heartrate pick up along with yours. “I want you to be with me.” You confessed in a whisper.

He began to kiss at your neck and you fisted the fabric of his uniform to keep yourself upright. He kissed up your neck, along your jaw, feeling his way to find your lips. He got to the corner of your mouth and pulled back just slightly, leaning his forehead against yours.

“I want you all to myself.”

He crashed his lips into yours. Your hands held tight to his shirt to keep him close. He took his hands off the railing to wrap his arms around your waist, his place against your mouth feeling all the more secure. You nipped at his bottom lip and he couldn’t help but let out a throaty “mmh.” 

He often tried to imagine what it would feel like to kiss you, the taste of your lips, the sensation of your hands roaming him as pretty as you pleased. This moment had been better than anything he conjured up in his head. He had never envisioned how much hot need would be in it until he had you there in his arms.

You tried to push him away suddenly, but he kept at you, not yet having had his fill. “Wait -” You caved for a brief moment and kissed him back, then pulled away again. “What about -”

“I said no to Adelaide.” He went back to your lips, then to your neck to explain himself so you’d stop pulling away. “I was going to ask you. But you ran off.” He hoped that was enough to stop any further questions, because his mind was already onto more pressing matters. He had heard that sucking on someone’s neck would leave marks, he decided to try it on you then.

You bit your lip, trying to keep your eyes from rolling into the back of your head. “You um -” You cleared your throat, “You still want to ask me?”

“I will, but let’s not talk right now.” 

-

Sebastian:

“What has gotten into you today?” Sebastian caught you off guard, shutting the greenhouse door behind him. You were tending to the carnivorous plants for Professor Garlick, you being the only student she really entrusted with such duties. 

You glanced at him over your shoulder, then brought your focus back to the plants. “I’m a little busy right now, Sebastian.”

He had never heard you speak to him with such acidity, you might as well have slapped him in the face. You had been in a sour mood with him all day. Of all the times for you to be upset with him, why did it have to be the day he had finally decided to confess his feelings and ask you to The Yule Ball? He strode to your side and bore his gaze into you, willing you to face him and explain yourself.

You didn’t give in and continued tending to the chomping cabbages. Sebastian was the last person you wanted to see. After everything the two of you had gone through, all the glimpses you gave each other, all the near kisses, how could it not mean the same for him as it did you? Was his overprotectiveness for you something brotherly rather than romantic? You felt so stupid having mixed the two. You had fallen so deeply in love with him through the years, and now you’ve come to find he doesn’t see you in that way. He made it very obvious how smitten he was when Grace Pinch-Smedley fawned over him, professing her love and asking him to the ball. 

“At least tell me what's upset you so.” He said sternly, interrupting your tragic thoughts.

You knew you should wait until your anger dissipated before speaking with him, but in that moment you didn’t care. You set down your gardening tools and turned to face him.

“How about we talk about you first, Sebastian?”

He let out a frustrated exhale through his nose and crossed his arms over his chest. “What about me?”

“I saw you and Grace speaking this morning, seems you were quite pleased with yourself. Care to share?”

He quirked his brow, not sure where you were heading with this. He remembered Grace speaking with him, but he didn’t remember feeling ‘pleased with himself’. “You saw Grace and I, did you?”

“I did.” You turned back to the chomping cabbages then. “Seems she was doing more than just asking you to the ball.”

He inwardly cringed at the memory. He was flattered at her confession, sure. But the part where he had to reject her had really taken away anything pleasant about the moment. “She told me she had been... harboring feelings for me.” He got shifty thinking back on it, getting rejected after spilling your guts like that must be dreadful.

You took note of his body language, and rosy cheeks. It was salt in the wound and the scowl on your face deepened. “No need to be so bloody bashful about it, Sebastian.” You mumbled.

He stilled then. You thought he was ‘bashful’ thinking back on his interaction with Grace? The gears in his brain started turning.

In that moment, you figured this was your last chance to lay it all out there for him. Since Grace very blatantly told him she wanted more than just a date to the ball, best to tell him how you felt now before they were officially together.

You turned to him fully. “Sebastian, do you care for me?”

His heart began racing and he straightened. “Of course.”

“Like you care for Anne and Ominis?"

“I do.” He said with conviction.

“So, like a sibling?”

“I - Well, I -”

“Because I don’t care for you like a brother, Sebastian.” You took a step towards him.

He was entranced, listening close to everything you had to say. The air between you two grew thick and it clicked for him then. The possessiveness he usually felt over you was now what you were feeling over him. You were under the impression he accepted Grace’s feelings... and you can’t stand it. A rousing sensation shot through him. He wanted to see what more you would do with this newfound greediness for him. 

“Perhaps you should have gotten to me before Grace did.” It was bold. He knew he was treading on thin ice, but seeing you act in the way he usually did was a turn of the tables he never knew he wanted to see. He was going to egg you on, get as much of this avaricious side out of you as he could before you devoured him like the plants in this room wanted to.

You reached out to him and began trifling with his tie. He stood perfectly still, afraid that if he moved you’d get discouraged and release him. “Are you telling me you would have been mine if I got to you first?”

Oh yes. “Suppose we’ll never know, considering you didn’t.” This wasn’t at all how he thought confessing his feelings to you would go. But this was a much more electrifying way to do so.

The two of you had unknowingly stepped closer to one another, pulled together like magnetic stones. Your hands were no longer fiddling with his tie, but rather holding it, ever so gently pulling him towards you. “So I’ve lost you, have I?”

Fight for me. Don’t let anyone else have me. “And if you have?” He wanted to find out what your lips tasted like more than he ever had before. He was so close, and eyed them oh so hungrily. But he tried to hold strong a bit longer, so he could know if you were feeling just as carnivorous for him as he always had for you.

The fire in your eyes almost had him on his knees. 

Claim me. Claim me as I’ve claimed you.

Giving his tie a hard yank, you pulled him to you and caught his lips with yours. You didn’t waste any time, straightaway tasting his bottom lip with your tongue. Keeping an unyielding grip on his tie, you shot a hand up to his hair and held tight. He put his hands on your hips, and couldn’t stop himself from pulling at your shirt so it came untucked. His hands roamed around your lower back, under your shirt to feel your skin.

Your movements in this kiss were the result of years of pining. There was both an ache to take it slow, feeling everything you both possibly could, and an urgency to make up for lost time right then and there. Now that you finally had him... Wait wait wait, I don’t have him.

You tore yourself from him and walked away, tucking your shirt back in.

“Wha - What? Where are you going?” He was breathless and dizzy and disheveled from your kiss. Get back here.

“Go to Grace.”

He groaned. He should have known keeping up the Grace ruse would have some sort of consequence. But in the moment, he was so obsessive over the fact that you wanted to stake your claim on him, he couldn’t help himself. “I lied about Grace. I turned her down.”

You turned to face him, still keeping your distance across the greenhouse. “Why would you -”

“Because being near you makes me crazy, that’s why!” He shot a hand through his hair, more out of anguish than to fix the mess you made. “I’m mad for you. How have you not noticed? This... possessiveness you have over me today? I feel it for you all the time. So, I’m sorry if I crossed a line, I -” He let out a shaky breath, trying to put the words together. “Seeing you act how I have... I wanted to relish it a bit longer. Forgive me.”

You remained where you were, but he could see your features shift. “Enjoyed my suffering, did you?”

Trying to keep his composure, he nodded his head. Your sultry look had his blood heading somewhere it shouldn’t in the middle of the greenhouse.

He may have been slow catching onto your jealousy, but he was quick to catch that you wanted his lips back on yours. Ravenous himself, he strode up to you and pulled you back against him.

[justnatoka]

Wild creatures

Paul x Fem! Reader

A/n: This was so therapeutic to write, you have no idea. I adore this man so much! Fun fact: the idea for this fic came to me as I was dancing around in my kitchen, drinking wine, listening to Red Wine Supernova by Chapell Roan for the first time.

Word count: 4.6k

Warning: canon typical violence, blood, one douchebag who can't take no for an answer, mention of weed use, nsfw themes (minors dni!), light smut (nothing too explicit), skinny dipping, lots of fluff, LOTS of sexual tension lol

Prompt: "All that blood looks good on you. It really brings out your eyes."

You and your boyfriend have a wild night out on the boardwalk.

The first thing your brain registered was soft breathing against the back of your neck, then the arm wrapped tight around your waist, holding you close, your back pressed against a solid chest. As your eyes fluttered open, you took in the darkness of the cave, your gaze sweeping over the colorful mess of pillows, blankets and different fabrics draped all over the little nook your boyfriend affectionately called your nest. He took to sleeping here with you after you joined the pack, saying he didn’t want to be apart from you for even one night. Not that you were complaining.

Speaking of Paul, his arm squeezed you in his sleep, a soft snore escaping him. You smiled to yourself as you slowly wiggled your way around to face him. You discovered a slight frown on his handsome features, his hand gripping your waist tighter, and you wondered what he was dreaming about. Inching closer, you laid a gentle kiss right between his eyebrows, and his features smoothed out instantly, his grip loosening but not letting go, never letting go. He brought you closer, snuggling his face into the crook of your neck and breathing in your sweet scent. He draped his leg over yours, tangling them together and clinging to you like a koala. Damn, you loved this man.

You loved his loud and silly personality, the constant flirting, his need to always be near you, always touching you, even if it meant just linking your pinkies together. You loved all the little ways he showed you affection, like bringing you small gifts: a shiny rock or a pretty shell he found on the beach, a plushie he won at a game stall on the boardwalk, a pin for your growing collection covering your jacket. The same jacket the boys got you as a welcome present when you joined the gang, and one you adored with all your heart. You loved how expressive he was, his face lighting up every time he saw you, smiling bright when you were happy, but also crying with you when you weren’t. You enjoyed every moment you spent with him, be it annoying Marko, making out in public while ignoring the loud teasing of his brothers or getting high at the cave and blasting songs of his favorite bands on the boombox, playing on imaginary guitars, headbanging together and giggling when you got dizzy. But it was quiet moments like this one when you really had the time to think about and appreciate the life you had with him. Feeling warm and content, you sank deeper into his embrace.

Your peace was interrupted however, as you heard the others starting to wake up further in the cave. You were reluctant to disrupt Paul’s sleep, but you knew if you didn’t move, one of the boys would soon come looking for you. Marko in particular really enjoyed barging in and throwing pillows at you to wake you up. This earned him a few shots back every time, and he was even chased out by Paul before, not like it had any effect. You really weren’t in the mood for that whole chaos now, so you took matters into your own hands.

You started peppering kisses on the top of his head and softly calling his name. When it didn’t have any effect, you decided to go for his weak spot and started lightly scratching your nails along his neck. He let out a muffled groan and you had to bite your lower lip not to do the same. Your hands worked their way along his back, dipping under his shirt at his waist and gently stroking his skin, making him press his hips against your thigh with a needy whine. Warmth started pooling in your lower region, and if the hardness against your thigh was anything to go by, he must have felt good too. You knew he was awake at this point, felt him smiling against your skin, but pretended in the hopes that you continue with your touching. So you moved your hands lower and squeezed his ass.

“God, babe, don’t stop.”

You chuckled at his sleepy voice and pressed another kiss against his temple.

“I’m not sure the others would appreciate if we made them wait. Marko might appear in the door.”

“I want to see him try.”

“Oh, I’m sure he will.”

With another groan he finally lifted his head, resting his chin against your chest, his hair a tousled mess which you affectionately patted down. You looked into his brilliant blue eyes, and your heart swelled.

“Morning, handsome,” you whispered.

“Morning, beautiful,” he whispered back with a dopey grin on his face. He loved it when you used pet names for him. He leaned in to lay soft kisses against your lips, each one getting longer and hungrier. Just to make you remember his predicament, he grinded his hips into yours again, causing you to moan into his mouth. He used the opportunity to deepen the kiss, his hands exploring your curves.

“Hey, lovebirds! We can hear you making out all the way over here! Get up already, don’t make me go in there!” Marko’s voice broke the moment, and you let out a frustrated groan, now just as fired up as Paul.

“Marko, if you don’t shut the hell up, I’ll beat your ass!” you yelled back, and you heard David and Dwayne laugh, all of them knowing full well that you would try.

“My hero,” Paul chuckled and pressed one long kiss against your lips before finally getting up from the bed. While you put on your clothes, the heated glances he sent you held the promise that you’ll continue what you started later.

You made your way out to the others who were already waiting by the bikes, ready to go. Marko sent you two a cheeky grin, which earned him a not so serious glare from you. David and Dwayne just shared a knowing look. Getting up behind Paul, you wrapped your arms around him, squeezing tight as you took off.

Riding with them was always exhilarating, and you didn’t hold back your screams of excitement, squeezing your arms around him tighter when you heard your boyfriend’s high pitched laughter. You sometimes wondered if you sounded like a pack of wolves with all the howling as you crossed the woods.

Bursting out from between the trees to the beach, your field of vision was filled with the familiar picture of the busy boardwalk with its bright lights and bustling noise. Your skin was practically buzzing with energy. It was a place full of potential for people looking for a fun time, and that’s exactly what you were, even if your definition of ‘fun’ was a bit different in some aspects.

You parked near the entrance, your arrival bringing a lot of attention. You were used to strangers ogling at you, you couldn’t really blame them. Your group was certainly a sight to behold, their loud bikes and good looks were a magnet to the eyes. After getting off from behind Paul, you slowly stretched out your muscles, the movement accentuating your figure, making your shirt ride up to show a bit of skin, then casually threw your hair over your shoulder. The effect was instantaneous, as you felt multiple eyes on you all at once, and when you lazily surveyed the surrounding crowd, you noticed a good few heads suddenly turning the other way.

You felt Paul’s arm sneaking around your shoulder, yours encircling his waist on instinct.

“I thought showing you off was my job,” he smirked at you.

“I can’t help it that I’m this good-looking,” you joked. “Besides, I want to show you off too,” you pecked his cheek, giggling when he leaned in for more.

Someone cleared their throat, and you turned to the boys who were all waiting for you, again. David raised one eyebrow with an amused smile playing on his lips.

“Sorry boys, but this is where we separate from you for tonight,” you stated, their expression turning from light confusion to teasing smiles in a second.

“Why? Tired of us already?”

“You, Marko? Always.”

He played the wounded soul quite convincingly until the corner of his lips started curling upwards.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” the leader spoke up next.

“What, you don’t trust us, David?” you asked cheekily.

“Why would I?” he smirked.

“Okay, fair point.”

He snorted before turning to saunter away into the crowd.

“Have fun,” Dwayne added with a smile and a wink.

“Thanks, Dwayne.” Then he too joined the others.

Now that it was just the two of you, you looked up at Paul.

“What do you wanna do first?”

He reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a joint.

“Let’s start with the appetizer.”

You threw yourselves headfirst into fun; getting onto several rides and screaming your lungs out, then having a heavy makeout session on the Ferris wheel, which resulted in the attendant kicking you out because you were too distracted with each other to notice the ride was over. After eating yourselves full of sweets, and urged on by the sugar high, you proceeded to visit all of the game stalls, trying to beat each other at shooting games and both failing miserably cause you made each other laugh too much, both of you giggling like stupid teenagers. Paul made it his mission to win you a purple teddy bear he saw at one of the stalls, and was heartbroken when he didn’t get it. He pouted all the way to the food vendors, grumbling about how it was rigged for sure.

It was after you both got yourselves some soft drinks when someone tapped you on the shoulder, interrupting the nice time you had going. Turning around, you came face to chest with a guy wearing an obnoxiously open shirt. Now, you didn’t mind it with Dwayne, but this guy’s whole vibe screamed douchebag. Starting with the sunglasses he pushed to the top of his head so he can check you out more openly. Who the heck wears sunglasses at night?

“Hi,” he flashed you a smile that made your skin crawl.

“Uh, hi,” you replied, you tone already less than enthused.

“Can I get you a real drink?” he motioned to your soda.

“No thanks, I’m not interested.”

You moved to turn away, but he grabbed your shoulder this time. Oh hell no. You shot him your nastiest glare, then tore his hand off you, stepping back to put some distance between you two.

“Come on now, don’t be like that,” Sunglasses smirked down at you, trying to keep his composure, but you were having none of it.

“Like I said, I’m not interested,” you answered, emphasizing each word and making a big show of grabbing Paul’s hand.

Sunglasses didn’t take kindly to that, and he turned his growing irritation toward your boyfriend, who he seemingly barely noticed until now.

“You’re seriously into that? You sure have some questionable tastes in men,” he scoffed.

“Dude, chill out, she said no. So why don’t you just fuck off?” Paul decided to finally speak up after just observing the situation. He knew you could take care of yourself, but it seemed like this was slowly getting out of hand, and he just wanted this douche gone.

“Don’t you tell me what to do, freak. I can do whatever the hell I want. And if I want a piece of that,” he jerked his head towards you like you were a piece of meat, “than that’s what I’m gonna get.”

That’s it. Paul could take insults directed at him, but he would sure as hell not take him talking about his girl like that. If this absolute dick wanted to get up all in his face, he wasn’t one to back down. They were ready to throw hands, when both of them froze. Eyes going comically wide, they stared in unison at the big, sticky wet patches forming on the guy’s shirt, the liquid trickling down the side of his head and neck slowly soaking his clothes. Sunglasses turned around, and that’s when Paul spotted you behind his back, your empty glass still in your hand.

You looked up at Sunglasses with big sheepish eyes.

“Oops, I guess my hand slipped.”

Paul burst out laughing. The guy was so dumbfounded he was rendered speechless for a long second, like his brain couldn’t fathom that someone would humiliate him like this. Because people around you were already looking and pointing. But when it did register to him, his face turned to a shade of red you haven’t seen before. He looked like a big angry tomato pumped full of steroids. You finally cracked up, and you cackled as you dodged the arm he swung at you, easily dancing out of his way. You grabbed Paul’s hand and the two of you took off running, the sound of the guy’s loud cursing quickly drowned out by the noise of the crowd.

When you were sure you got far enough, you slowed your pace to an easy stroll. With the laughter barely dying off your lips, you pressed a sloppy kiss on Paul’s cheek.

“My hero,” you giggled.

“Always, babe,” he stated with a happy little smile.

Pushing the incident to the back of your mind, you were determined to have fun, and not let it hinder your mood. So the two of you threw yourselves back into the night.

Somehow you ended up at the stage, surrounded by warm bodies, all bopping and swaying and jumping together to the rhythm. You let yourself completely loose, let the wave of the music and the movement of the crowd around you take you to wherever it wanted, washing away every problem, every little annoyance. It was phenomenal, and you felt your spirit soar high above you with the ocean wind.

A familiar hand wrapped around your own, bringing you back to the ground, and your eyes locked with the most brilliant pair of blue you’ve ever seen, the color and all of its variations already seared into your mind. Right now, they were shining bright, the lights of the stage bringing a playful glint to them that you adored. Your gaze fell to his lips, causing a wide grin to spread across them. The next time you looked up, his eyes were a darker shade, and he was standing a lot closer to you than you realized, the two of you practically pushed together by the people around you, still moving, still dancing.

You don’t know who moved first, but in the next second you were tangled together, hands roaming planes and curves of bodies, fingers coursing through hair, lips hungry against each other. It felt like the beat of the music was running through your veins, reigniting your long dead hearts and willing it to beat again. It was electrifying and intense. That’s just how your love worked. Sometimes it was silly, sometimes it was passionate, but it was always all consuming. You completely gave yourselves to each other, body, soul and all, for as long as you were on this earth. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

You were reluctant to come back to reality, too high off the intensity of the moment to stop, but knowing if you didn’t stop soon, you would commit public indecency. Paul groaned when you finally drew back from him, his lips puffy and his eyes pleading.

“Not here and not now, pretty boy,” you purred against his mouth. He almost started pouting, so you winked at him and threw in a middle ground. “How about you take me out to dinner first? Then you can devour me all you want.”

He seemed pleased with that solution, almost too eager to go.

You barely left the proximity of the stage, Paul’s arm casually thrown around your shoulder, yours around his waist, leisurely strolling away, when you heard a shout from behind you.

“There they are!”

You turned your heads at the same time, and spotted the guy from before. He also brought two friends. They were still further away, but rapidly closing the distance, pushing people out of their way, trying to get to you quicker. You exchanged looks.

“Uh-oh,” you blurted out.

A mischievous grin stretched across Paul’s face.

“You said something about dinner?”

Catching on to what he was implying, you burst out in giggles and grabbed his hand before you both took off running. The yelling and fast stomping from behind you was enough indication that they were indeed in hot pursuit. You weaved in between vendors, dodging people left and right, almost colliding a few times, but never letting go of each other. Indignant yelps sounded behind you as you bumped into people, and curses were thrown at you when you pushed stuff into your chasers way. All around chaos was left in your wake, and you already heard Max’s lecture in your head that you would surely receive when he caught wind of this. Laughter bubbled up your throats from the adrenaline rush and you cackled as you turned towards the beach, all the way down the stair, you laughed and howled like hyenas as your feet hit the sand. A quick glance over your shoulder confirmed that they were not far behind. A small squeeze on your hand made you look over at Paul. He had the widest grin on his face, hair messy and wind-blown, his whole body practically radiating, and when he turned to you, eyes shining bright, his hand tightly wrapped around your own, your heart swelled with joy. Surely, this is what real freedom felt like.

You didn’t stop until you reached the underside of the pier and disappeared between the wooden beams. It wasn’t long until your pursuers caught up. Not seeing you at first, they ventured deeper into the darkness.

“There’s no point in hiding, you little bitch! We’re going to find you and your bitch of a boyfriend and then you’ll be sorry for humiliating me like that!” Sunglasses yelled, puffing out his chest, trying to sound all intimidating.

“Who said I’m trying to hide?” you appeared before them, simply walking out of the shadows.

Your confidence and casual tone seemed to unnerve them. The two goons were shifting anxiously, glancing around for Paul. They were ready to get this fight over with and get out of here. Sunglasses, however, took a step towards you, oblivious to the shift in the air around him.

“You got some nerve, girl, I’ll give you that,” he scoffed, running his tongue along his lower lip. “But you’re a bit too bossy for my taste. Maybe if I took you for a few rounds you would learn your place.”

Your face hardened, eyes becoming impossibly darker, before a predatory smirk slowly stretched across your face.

“You know why we brought you here?” you asked lowly, gesturing around you in a slow motion.

Sunglasses was visibly confused, but the bobbing of his Adam’s apple let you know he finally seemed to realize that something was wrong. You raised up one finger, pointing at the pier above you, the hustle and bustle of the people above audible even down here.

“Because right here no one will hear your screams.” Your voice sounded like ice, and the terror on their faces as you started to change right in front of them only fueled your hunger.  “And for the record, I’m the only one who can call Paulie my bitch. Isn’t that right, babe?”

Their eyes followed your gaze behind their backs, where Paul seemed to materialize out of thin air, his irises glowing yellow from his monstrous face.

“Damn right, dollface.”

They didn’t even have time to react before you descended upon them. And just as you said, their shrieking was drowned out by the screams coming from the roller coaster above. There was no escape, you were too fast, dragging them back into the shadows, fangs tearing into skin, gulping down their warm blood and relishing its taste. You made quick work on the three men, and watching the life drain from their trashing bodies gave you a sick satisfaction. You licked your lips the same way he did when you were finished with them.

You looked up at Paul, chest heaving, with rivulets of blood still running down your face and neck, smearing around your lips, painting them red. He looked no different, with crimson specks stuck in his hair, already back in his human form, but eyes still containing remnants of yellow.

When his gaze met yours, a flirty little smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“Look at you, pretty girl! All that blood looks good on you. It really brings out your eyes.”

You flashed him your most charming smile in response. You both burst out in chuckles, giggling to yourselves like schoolgirls as if you didn’t just tear three men apart. The next time you locked eyes, something shifted between you, and you felt a tug in your stomach. You needed to close the distance between you, and if the hasty steps he took towards you was anything to go by, he felt it too. Stepping over bodies, you met in the middle, lips attaching together in an instant, and Paul moaned into your mouth as he tasted the blood on your tongue.

“You said something about devouring you after taking you out to dinner,” he purred, voice silky soft.

“I did. But not here. I don’t want an audience,” you eyed the remnants of your dinner lying at your feet.

“Fair enough, I don’t want to share that sight either,” he wiggled his eyebrows at you, and you snorted.

“Come on, pretty boy, I have an idea.”

He followed you like an eager puppy as you departed from the darkness of the space under the pier and made your way to a secluded section of the beach, a nice little spot you’ve found on one of your midnight wanderings. You knew it would come in handy eventually.

You got a hold of the lapel of his jacket and pulled him back in, already missing his closeness and his lips on yours. He was all too happy to satiate your craving, his hands sneaking into the back pockets of your pants. You could never grow tired of this, your bodies pressed together, taking the time with exploring and getting a good taste of each other, mouths moving together lazily, sloppily, familiarly, knowing exactly what makes the other tingle in pleasure. But this was only the warmup.

Pulling away from him, you looked back up at him through your lashes, your lips curling into a cheeky smile.

“As much as I love seeing you drenched in blood, we still need to go meet up with the boys. And I don’t think David would be happy with us showing up like this on the boardwalk, not after the mess we’ve already created.”

Paul glanced from you to the ocean behind you, the wheels turning in his head, trying to figure out what you were planning.

“Oh yeah? And what do you suggest, babe?”

Your grin grew wider.

“Something you’ll like.”

Then in one fluid motion you pulled off your top and tossed aside. When you met his eyes again, the look he gave you was so full of love and adoration, it genuinely made your heart ache. Because how the hell did you get so lucky to find a guy who looks at you like that, even after seeing you naked a thousand times, who makes you feel this desired and confident in your skin?

A huge grin grew on his lips and he whooped in excitement.

“Hell yeah, now we’re talking!” he cheered as he was already in the process of dropping all his clothes, with yours following right after.

He practically carried you into the ocean, your shrieking laughter cut off as he tossed you into the water. You were on your feet the next second, splashing him and dragging him down with you when you caught a hold of him. It wasn’t long before your playfighting turned into something steamier, and you finally gave into the desire you’ve both been holding back ever since you woke up at the cave in each other’s arms.

With the stars of the summer night sky shining above you, watching over you, the two of you got lost in each other while the balmy breeze caressed your bare skins, your sounds getting lost under the crushing of the waves and the rumble of the boardwalk in the distance. You made love in the water, on the sand, you devoured each other, lips exploring every inch of skin, fingers sinking into soft flesh. He was gentle, then not so much, taking in every sound you made, worshipping your body. Then you took charge, getting on top of him and leaving him a beautiful moaning mess under you. Your passion lasted hours, time blurring together in the overwhelming pleasure.

By the time you made your way back to the bikes, the boys were already there, and morning was fast approaching. Dwayne and David were deep in conversation, the latter periodically taking drags of his cigarette. Marko was the first to notice you, his lips stretching into a cheeky grin when he took in your faces. Ignoring his suggestive stares, you greeted them with a smile.

“You made quite the spectacle tonight,” David remarked. Damn, cutting right to the case.

“You knew you couldn’t trust us with behaving,” you quipped back.

“I did,” he smiled at you, clearly amused. “Max won’t be happy though.”

You shrugged. “Oh well.”

There was a long moment of silence before he spoke up again.

“Did he deserve it?” There was no question about what he meant by that, all of you knowing full well it wasn’t about the drink-throwing or even the chase through the boardwalk. He didn’t have to ask what you did to the guy.

“Hell yes!” you and Paul answered unanimously, and the others chuckled, a comfortable mood settling over your group.

As you all got on your bikes, ready to go home, Marko spotted something that made him guffaw.

“Damn, girl, did you take a bite out of him too?” he motioned towards Paul’s neck. There were undeniable teeth marks and hickeys already forming there.

“I couldn’t help it, he’s too sweet,” you teased, and Paul blew a kiss over his shoulder to you.

Marko made a gagging sound which earned him a swat over the back of the head by Dwayne.

David revved his bike, a clear indication that he was ready to go, reminding you that there was not much time left before daylight took over. The others followed suit, and you took off back to the cave, back to home.

Rewinding the events of the night after you were already snuggled up to Paul in your nest, your mind wandered back to the thoughts you were having just hours ago, when you were lying there in a very similar position. You really were content with your life with the boys. Yes, it was chaotic at times, but that was in your nature. You were wild creatures after all. Living with them granted you a taste of true freedom in a way you haven’t experienced before. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

You pressed a light kiss against Paul’s chest, and he unconsciously tightened his hold on you, his nose buried in your hair, mind already in dreamland. Surrounded by the warmth of your nest and the scent of your lover, you drifted off to sleep just as the sun broke the horizon outside.

Tags: @stinkydove @pandemoniavenus @000-colby @lunarwhitewolf7 @notalwaysa @binightowl

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[corviiids]

If i ask nicely, would you consider writing the core of Light and L character like you did for Shuake? (IT'S BRILLIANT BTW!! You're so galazy brain. I love reading any meta or just silly posts you posted here <3) because you mention Light a couple time in Akechi's part and now i need to know your thought on him and L.

(Also, about the death note wip you're cooking right now, is it a oneshot or multiple chapters fic? Im super excited for it!)

i ABSOLUTELY would thank you so much for asking and for your lovely kind words. and im sorry this took me seven years to get to i just kept psyching myself out.

here's the ren & goro post this ask refers to for anyone wondering. the 'core' refers to my answer to a writing meme:

26. What would you describe as OOC? [...] it's the same approach i take to language tbh particularly in pronunciation. once you understand how a language forms its sounds at a base level, you dont struggle with the accent on particular words, and you can encounter words you've never seen before and understand how they're likely to be said/spelled/etc. so once i learn to 'speak' a character they come more naturally. idk if that comparison makes sense to anyone else but it does to meeeee all this to say i think a character is ooc if they do or say something i cant reconcile with that core!

the death note wip is a multichap!! thank you for your interest!!! ill talk about it more once i've stopped tying myself in knots plotting it!! broadly it's a what-if type au which has led me to replot an entire series from scratch dont look at me

anyway lawlight below. i will say ive been really desperately wanting to do like a video essay or something about death note which would be a lot about L and light specifically and how i interpret their characters so ill try and not go toooooo insane in this post but maybe ill go more insane later. in a video. with my human voice.

(edit: i failed i went insane)

light - one-way road to the sky

ok let's talk about one of my favourite scenes of the entire series, which i think is widely not super well understood but honestly to me holds the key to light's entire character. it's right there in volume 1

sorry, the only digital copy ive got on hand is the scanlation. for comparison the official print copy reads:

bubble 1: hey, maki, wanna party tomorrow with some guys from s. college? ten o'clock. bubble 2: yeah, totally! bubble 3: hey, can i go too? bubble 4: my mom isn't here yet? what's that nag doing, geez! light (thinking): damn... light (thinking): start looking around you... light (thinking): and all you see are people the world would be better off without.

this happens within the first 40 pages of the first volume. and it's like. haha hey light what the fuck? this is a totally normal scene in everyday life. people are talking about living their lives. nobody's done anything remotely reprehensible in this scene. and light's just walking through the streets experiencing apparently unprompted and quite extreme misanthropy. what's wrong with him

ok let's have a quick look at the first time we meet light in the anime.

[...]

[...]

cool cool cool im gonna pivot again let's look at the first song (besides the overture) in the musical.

ok rook! we get it! light yagami is out here like damn we live in a society time to kill people about it. this is news to nobody! we all know this!! that's what the series is about! why are we rehashing all of this

great. cool. awesome. let's look at all those scenes one more time. but this time don't look at light. instead let's look at the people around him

in the opening shots of the anime (after the shinigami world, which actually is much the same theme): news of brutal murder is narrated over establishing shots of tokyo. light is shown dead-eyed, going about his ordinary life, surrounded by random other civilians doing the same thing.

in the musical, light isn't angry that murders happen. he's angry about the inaction and complicity of the ordinary people around him.

these scenes aren't highlighting that light thinks crime is bad. we all know crime is bad. the point of these scenes is to contrast light's frustration and fury against the reactions of the people around him. here's what light yagami is seeing: we're surrounded with rot. but nobody's reacting. and then life just goes on. so suddenly all those completely normal scenes of people being concerned with the superficial details of their life aren't just normality, they're complicity. day in, day out. so the world is rotting, and to light, it seems that everyone is completely ok with that. that's just the way things are. and that disgusts and depresses him. on top of than that, it isolates him: he feels like he's the only one who sees or cares about this, that everyone dismisses him as naive, that no one else can be trusted, that everyone else is able to ignore something he sees as inexcusable. this is a sentiment he repeats again and again. it reads as arrogance, and it is, but it's also isolation - after all it's lonely at the top and just as lonely to feel like you're at the top even if you arent

can i talk about the iliad again? is that ok with everyone. im gonna talk about the iliad again

in book 1 of the iliad, the commander of the greek army insults achilles by publicly and unlawfully taking a prize (the girl briseis) who rightfully belonged to achilles. achilles reacts by withdrawing his troops from the army, dooming the greeks' campaign. achilles had a lot of friends in the army, so why would he essentially sentence them all to death for something that only agamemnon did? well, (because agamemnon did something publicly that everyone knew was wrong, and yet nobody was willing (or at least able) to stand up for achilles and stop it from happening. achilles, disgusted by the inaction of the bystanders, turned his back on all of them. fun fact i nearly wrote a mini thesis (an academic one not just a long post on tumblr) about the intersection btwn this book of the iliad and legal theory but law+classics is such a niche interdisciplinary field my professor couldnt find anyone who could supervise me so i couldnt do it. anyway that's not the point

is this right or fair? who cares, not the point. what im interested in is what that kind of behaviour says about the individual. light, like achilles, is a highly idealistic person. we all know that in the abstract, but take a second to really really dig into it, because it's actually quite an interesting fact about a character who is popularly understood as being cold and unfeeling or flatly psychotic and on a power trip. idealism isn't naivety, it's not optimism, it's not even really a happy thing. idealism is simply a firm belief in the way things should be at the cost of refusing or being unable to accept what is.

this is the core of light yagami to me. light doesn't become kira because he's cold or destructive or crazy. he doesn't actually even do it because he's spiteful or misanthropic. it's very much the opposite. he's misanthropic because he believes in the world so much. isn't that a great contradiction! ok here i'll show you some proof.

in an early scene (also in volume 1), light describes himself as an optimist and ryuk finds that interesting.

so light is an optimist. he believes in a bright future for humanity. he wants to protect humanity. he likes humanity. no, he doesn't believe that people are inherently good, but he does believe in some goodness as a part of humanity and wants to protect the best of people, in an egotistical way:

how do we reconcile that with a young man who walks through the streets listening to completely ordinary conversations by ordinary people and reacts by wishing death on everyone talking?

let's split out what's going on here. remember what's happening in light's head. light yagami is 17 years old. he grew up with a police chief for a father (in a fictional world where the police are the literary stand-in for law as justice so just pretend for a second that police are good im sorry), watching his father work tirelessly to fight crime - but crime continues, making this an endless, thankless task. and while crime continues, so does the world around him. every day light sees atrocities on the news, and he sees atrocities brought home, and then he lives his ordinary life and watches the people around him apparently not give a shit, only concerned with the petty details of their own little lives. bystanders watching wrong happen, selfishly unaffected. day in, day out. that idealism is getting colder the longer this unendurable injustice goes on. so achilles condemns his friends to death.

what human trait is being exhibited? realistically it's helplessness. would being miserable about crime help to end crime? of course not. people have to go on with their lives, that's a fact, it's even a strength. even light begins the series completely unable to do a thing about the rot he sees around him, which is part of why he's so depressed. but that's not what light is seeing. light is seeing ordinary people appear to choose not to give a fuck about injustice. the thing that's sparking his disgust is apathy, real or apparent. light yagami is an idealist. he wants a better future - a utopia that only he can imagine - something that can only happen if either everyone becomes as good as he is, or he takes control.

if you leave an idealist in an unwinnable situation for too long, their pure belief will start to curdle. it will not turn to realism. they will not accept what is. they will only become more and more bitter that what should be, isn't. they will become a cynicist. this is really the heart of my argument and ive made it a million times and ill make it again. idealism and cynicism are not opposites, they're not even two sides of a coin. they are two points on the same line which moves very quickly in only one direction. this is where i start when im writing him: how do i make someone who believes so hard that it's killing him? someone who believes so hard it makes him believe in nothing?

then we find the third point on that line, which someone can reach by gaining sudden power - for example, a magic notebook that kills people: radicalisation.

how do we reconcile his desire to protect humanity with the fact that what he's trying to protect against is also humanity? how can i say light loves humanity when he has such disdain for them? easy peasy: light sees himself as the messiah. my bumper sticker that says ask me about light's martyr complex PLEASE ask me about light's martyr complex i wrote a song about it ask me about light seeing himself as the sacrificial lamb on the (and then the bumper sticker cuts off)

light loves humanity the way a twisted shepherd might love his sheep. something to be protected, but something beneath you that can't be trusted to know what's best for them. humanity is something he loves because it's endearingly pathetic, something to pity and save. repeatedly he refers to becoming kira as a personal sacrifice, something that costs him his soul but that he has to do. it's a delusion of grandeur driven by dual purposes of ego and some desperate wish to change a status quo he's been despairing about for years.

tl;dr: light believes with all his soul in something he thinks is impossible, and it's killing him slowly, and then a chance to change the world just falls out of the sky

L - isolate yourself until you can make believe it's just a game

steeples fingers. i have Things to Say about L Lawliet.

ok listen. listen. Listen. listen. are you listening? listen. in general i think people kind of misunderstand characters who are hyper-intellectual and/or behave unconventionally in social settings. you're all going to fucking kill me for this but i think there's a tendency to like... accidentally turn any character who falls vaguely in this broad category into sheldon cooper. god im sorry i feel like i just shot everyone's collective dog

specifically what i mean by that is that 'awkward' gets flanderised in a way that eventually becomes a caricature of itself, because there is so much nuance to actual social awkwardness that it's very easy to kind of pick a template and stick to it without really thinking about what makes that character 'awkward' and what the root and type of awkwardness is, unique to them. so instead we just get, like... generic big word user. generic driven by logic and logic alone guy. generic guy who doesn't Do Well with other people, for Smart Reasons.

here's a list of true things about L which i think are safe to say are uncontroversial

intuitive

logical, master of deductive reasoning

competitive

behaves in an odd way that draws attention

is aware of that fact

focuses extremely hard on his cases and only cares about being a detective not anything else

isolates himself and doesn't like talking to people partly for his own safety partly because it's boring to him

here are things i have seen in characterisation of L which i would like to dispute

makes decisions and draws conclusions based solely on logic and evidence

doesn't understand social cues

here's a list of alternate interpretations which i would like to propose and that i am willing to back up with evidence and/or by physically fighting over them

is driven primarily not by logic or evidence, but by incredible intuition which is supported by logic and evidence when it suits him

has a keen understanding of people, interpersonal relationships, and social norms

leverages that understanding frequently to his benefit

feels that he is not capable of / not a part of emotions that he sees as being typically human (see his speech about being a monster)

and yet in an abstract and self-contradictory and low-priority way still kind of desires connection, leaving him emotionally isolated

chooses to behave oddly on purpose, not because he doesn't realise he's behaving oddly, but because it is not a priority for him

those might seem like fine distinctions at some points, but stray slightly off the mark and his characterisation begins to vary wildly. for example, interpret L as being bemused or unaware of social cues, and one possible characterisation that may stem from that understanding (which i have seen) is that L doesn't understand sarcasm or jokes - which is demonstrably untrue. L demonstrates weak social skills because social skills aren't a priority for him, not because he doesn't understand social norms. after all he does a reasonably convincing 'i am a normal dudeguy' voice on at least two occasions (suzuki the information line guy and asahi the calling matsuda for drinks guy). even with the taskforce, when his behaviour is more of his usual bizarre self, he still makes the effort to treat them respectfully and meet them where they are, explaining himself when they ask, chatting with them, holding ordinary conversations. you can read this any number of ways but my point is that he can do all of this with relatively little struggle

it's also very much not the case that L doesn't have feelings or care about other people. he's ruthless and he's cool with causing people to die if he has to, but he reacts with visible distress to the deaths of the FBI agents, to ukita's death, to the prospect of other members of the taskforce dying. he does care, he's just not morally driven as a priority.

ok but if he can cosplay as Normal Dudeguy with no trouble then why doesn't he. why does he conduct all his business in dark rooms apart from the entire world forever. is it gauche to use a section of my own fic to explain my point? im going to do it anyway

It is easy to identify in Light what he has long known in himself. That little pearl of disruption, grown around an irritating grain of something just unique and tremendous enough to be uncomfortable to the more ordinary around them. L has hidden it by hiding himself. Light has hidden it by hiding within himself. L's black letter is to Light’s vapid smile is to Kira's invisible bullet.

(honestly a lot of what i have discussed here is also covered in this fic so in case this fucking three thousand word essay is not enough for you you can go read that.)

something L and light significantly have in common is that their intellect and unique way of thinking really set them apart from everyone in the world, which is incredibly isolating. but while L has the 'benefit' (arguably could be a detriment but i think he sees it as a benefit) of a unique upbringing which allows him to use his skills to their full extent without worrying about really anything else, light is very much trapped by social convention. while light's life is privileged and materially perfect, he's stuck inside what society expects of him, while L is able to exist completely outside that paradigm. the result is that light has retreated within himself and spends all day playing a part, barely tolerating the monotony and apathy of the world around him by mechanically performing as expected while smothering the part of him that never has an opportunity to truly come out until kira. L, on the other hand, has no reason to put up with a society that is, for lack of a better term, really just beneath him. so he retreats. remember that the first volume/chapter of the manga is called 'boredom'.

you can see that even in his comparatively limited interactions with the task force, he is having to exercise a level of patience to explain to them what he's thinking at every stage, to have to defend his methods, his instincts, his decisions, etc, needing to step through every stage of his reasoning so that the others can follow and won't object. this is NOT just about masking his odd behaviour, it's also very much about having to step through his morals and his process, which is second nature to him but is new to everyone else and needs explaining. it is visibly exhausting to him, and this is with people he actually seems to like well enough. eg during yotsuba arc when light and soichiro keep raising moral concerns, and he has those little "here we go again" moments (which i love SO much and are so telling of him to me) even though he doesn't let his frustration show. which is why he usually does not bother with it and prefers to work alone. he sits the way he does even though he knows it's odd, because he feels he need to sit that way. when light calls it out, he doesn't question that people will think he's strange, so he's clearly aware. he just explains himself.

but if he were out with people on the regular, he'd need to defend himself constantly. the things L does are not conventional. yes the sitting is just an oddity of his so it's a good example, but it's not just the things that are odd that cause a problem: he frequently makes decisions which seem to make massive leaps of logic nobody else (except light) can follow, and often his actions are morally questionable or even reprehensible. all that is because L is extremely pragmatic and results-focused. it kind of doesn't matter to him how he gets from A to B as long as he gets to B. but the way his mind works is that he makes big jumps that make perfect sense to him but would draw curiosity or objection from anyone who doesn't think the way he does. it would be absolutely exhausting to have to constantly defend every strange or questionable thing he did, so he just retreats.

when he works with other people, i think it's worth noting that the team dynamic never actually struggles for L's awkwardness. this is something i really like about death note honestly - L is quirky and strange, but the series doesn't do that thing where it's like He's A Genius Of Course He's Rude To Everyone. he's actually not. for the most part, L is courteous, patient, and polite. he's sometimes blunt or abrupt, but he very rarely does the thing where he's obliviously cruel or brushes people off. he's considerate of people's needs, he's visibly compassionate of other people's emotional difficulties, and he very rarely loses his patience. when matsuda tries to tell the locked-up light about kira resuming activity, L snaps "Matsuda!" to stop him, and then immediately corrects himself to go "I mean, Matsuda-san." it would have been really easy for the series to do that tropey shit where he's so smart that he doesn't bother with politeness, but he factually does. he makes the effort to treat people politely even when he's not actually being kind. when he's asked to explain himself, the reader can see he's tired and annoyed, but he doesn't take it out on people. on the odd occasion he does make fun of someone for being slow, he does so in mostly light-hearted ways. so he is very capable of dealing with other people directly. his lack of social skills aren't for lack of understanding. he just can't be bothered. it's a waste of energy to try and behave 'normally' or to do things that other people find acceptable, whether that's due to social norm or common morality. it is so, so much easier for L to do things alone. without the need to explain or defend his behaviour to anyone, his isolation turns real world problems into something almost purely theoretical. so it really is like a game for him, at least at first.

whatever

i think it's really important for a character like L to not be fooled by the surface-level categorisation of 'smart awkward character'. we really need to find what's driving his awkwardness. it's not ignorance, it's not even really disdain, it's exasperation. he's tired of being surrounded by people who just can't keep up with him, and he does not have enough energy or interest to spend his time handholding everyone through his process, so he just does whatever the hell he wants and avoids people as much as possible so he doesn't have to deal with it.

look i know this is a really long way to say stuff that people mostly already know, but i think L is one of the most finely nuanced characters in the series because he looks like such a simple expression of a known archetype and the ways in which he subverts expectations are so granular that it's easy to completely miss them even while appreciating how interesting he is. the way this translates into how i write him is that he's polite and has a lot of patience until he simply doesn't, at which point he'll inwardly or subtly express that he wishes he didn't have to bother with this shit, that he picks up on fine social and emotional details that other people will totally miss, but that he'll always put his own whims and plans before anything else.

tl;dr: L behaves like someone who is constantly moving at his own pace and for whom dealing with people is rarely worth the effort, but this does not make him inept or unkind.

[cricketnationrise]

Took me forever to send you this because I couldn't decide which Beyoncé lyrics to send (if the ones I picked aren't inspiring, feel free to request different ones, there's so many to pick from!) so I hope i'm not too late 🙃 this is so fun, thank you for organizing this fest!

9:26pm, the brownstone, Alex Claremont-Diaz, "Private show with the music blasting / He like to call me Peaches when we get this nasty", rated E 😈

My Ao3 username is Calou 😊

fitting that you were right under the wire in submitting because it took me almost five months to get to this prompt. i hope its worth the wait!

a big thank you to everyone who submitted and to everyone who's been reading and commenting along the way. i love doing the ficlet fests, the prompts are always a delight and let me get out of any writing funk i find myself in. yall rock.

as a parting gift for Ficlet Fest 500, please enjoy exactly 1000 words of straight gay up filth, as requested in the GC.

read the rest of the ficlets here

❤️🤍💙❤️🤍💙

9:26pm, the brownstone

Alex’s brain falls out of his head when Henry comes downstairs. He apparently took Pez’s dress code seriously for once; he’s dressed to fucking impress. (Alex is so far past impressed he’s having heart palpitations.) Henry looks good in everything, from a full suit to sweatpants, but when he lets himself relax, lets himself lean into being one hundred percent himself, he ascends to a whole other level.

His white shorts are going to be the death of Alex. They’re short, showing off strong calves and stacked, polo-playing thighs, and just this side of respectably opaque. But if there’s a strong enough backlight, anyone who isn’t intimately familiar with Henry’s particular topography, will be. The shorts would be enough to cause Alex a factory reset, but then he notices the shirt. It’s halfway unbuttoned, straining to accommodate Henry’s wide shoulders, and short enough in the torso that he’s baring midriff. And it’s one of Alex’s shirts. The novelty ice cream cone print has never looked so fucking good. 

Alex can see the tops of Henry’s hipbones—they’re mouth-wateringly obscene. Henry shouldn’t be allowed out of the house like this; he’s a danger to everyone around him. Drivers will run their cars off the road, pedestrians will walk into poles, et fucking cetera. Really, Alex has a fucking duty toward public safety to tackle Henry onto their couch and take him apart with his teeth. 

So he does.

Henry makes a noise somewhere between a squawk and a whimper and Alex wants to lick it out of his mouth. He captures Henry’s lips in a kiss as they land, barely letting him breathe, let alone put up a token protest because he feels like they should be social. Henry groans and melts into the cushions, letting Alex do whatever he wants. The trust Henry puts in him is heady, and Alex spirals that much higher when Henry throws his arms around Alex’s neck to keep him in place. His own hands are busy mapping every bit of exposed skin on Henry’s chest, slipping beneath Alex’s own fucking shirt to reach the scant inches that are still hidden below fabric. Alex takes advantage of Henry’s gasp of pleasure when Alex scratches lightly at his bicep to slip his tongue inside Henry’s mouth.

Both of them are already breathing hard, the sound of spit and panting filling the air. Alex manages to stop kissing Henry’s mouth, but only to nip down his throat, pausing at the pulse point to bite down. Henry always complains about having to be careful of covering the marks Alex leaves, but he never actually asks Alex to stop. (They were thirty minutes late to meet Nora for brunch last month when Alex caught Henry pressing down on a hickey in the bathroom and Alex had to bend him over the sink about it.) Henry’s moan at the graze of Alex’s teeth against his neck is a siren song; the way he tips his head to the side to give Alex more room, a gift from the gods. 

Henry pushes at his head, directing Alex with a pleading whine. Alex is only too happy to oblige, nipping and licking and sucking down Henry’s sternum, fingers fumbling to open the shirt. He spends a few minutes teasing Henry, alternating kisses with quick bites across his soft belly. Alex noses along his waistband, inhaling the scent of sweat and something uniquely Henry. Alex’s hands tighten on Henry’s thighs involuntarily when Henry’s fingers find a home in his hair and pull tight. Alex can’t wait another minute to get Henry’s cock in his mouth.

Alex liberates his curls from Henry’s hands and rearranges them so that Henry is sort of upright and Alex kneels on the floor between his legs. Alex means to dive in at once, but he has to take a second to fully absorb the fucking daydream of a man in front of him. Henry’s eyes have darkened, pupils blown wide and clouded with arousal. He’s sagging into the couch, relying on the furniture to keep him sitting up, seemingly unable to count on his muscles to do the job. Henry’s flushed from his cheeks to his hips, his hairline starting to darken with sweat. Alex’s gaze keeps snagging on the hickey he left—one fine day he’ll give into the desire to leave a whole goddamn collar of them.

Henry shifts, drawing Alex’s attention to his erection, straining against the white fabric of his shorts. Alex can’t help but to give him a firm stroke to his bulge, delighting in the strangled gasp it pulls from Henry. He can feel Henry twitch beneath his palm, can feel Henry’s racing pulse through the fabric, and then he’s moving—undoing Henry’s fly and pulling down his shorts and briefs in one fell swoop.

Henry actually shouts when Alex takes him to the root in one long smooth motion—he’s never been more glad for his lack of gag reflex. He stays there for a moment, breathing through his nose, the tip of Henry’s cock right at the back of his mouth. He looks up at Henry through his eyelashes. Henry’s practically shaking with the effort of holding himself still. How unnecessarily gentlemanly. Alex pries Henry’s hands out of the couch cushion and back into his hair before moving his own hands to Henry’s hips. He blinks twice, their nonverbal green signal, just to really drive the point home. With a mumbled curse, Henry starts thrusting and Alex closes his eyes, groaning every time Henry’s cock dips into his throat.

Alex’s jaw aches from the stretch, and his own cock is leaking and pressing uncomfortably against his zipper, but he couldn’t care less. He’s got Henry filling his mouth, surrounded by his hands and thighs and noises and taste—

They’re definitely going to be late to Pez’s party, if they even make it out of the house. Alex couldn’t give less of a fuck if they don’t; there’ll be other parties.

[chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter]

Chokehold

(Sanzu/Takuya in bad Toman Takemichi timeline)

(drabble)

(link to ao3 in case some one preferes to read it there)

This song goes perfect with it:

Warnings: The Dove Isn't Dead But Is Not Looking Great. Dubious Consent. Substance Abuse. Angst. No smut at all, just angst.

(Mikey's existence haunting the narrative, also called background unrequited HaruMai. The cursed name joke is totally pun intended, if you know you know)

Notes: Well... This is a total surprise. I saw a fanart of Sanzu wearing red high-heels next to glow-up Takuya and my brain got possesed. So like always with rareships, I was suddenly starving and had to create something about them.

Also, I know @lucifugousart will provide us with some art of them sooner or later, the images are now hunting your brain. 😌

(English is not my first language, so be nice please 🙈)

Takuya wakes up feeling like shit. The sun is burning his eyes, too bright for his hangover brain, to not feel his head hurting with it. His mouth feels dry and his throat scratches when he tries to swallow. To be honest, there isn't a part of his body that isn't aching right now, but his neck and his mind are the worst of it.

He doesn't remember too much, but the flashbacks try to flood his mind. A maniacal laughter, stabbing pain on his thighs.

He looks at the man sleeping next to him, pink strands scattered on the pillow. Is not the first time this happens, but Haruchiyo is still a mystery for the blonde. No, Sanzu. Takuya has to correct himself, something that is starting to become an habit lately. Is difficult to not get attached, to remember how dangerous this man is. Even for Toman's standards.

Blood. Red high-heels pressing his neck. A poisoning tongue licking every mark, hands playing with his choker. Ripping it off with hungry eyes.

Sanzu's job inside the organization is unclear for anyone who isn't a high ranked member. The only thing everyone knows, whispers with fear, is that he's the one that deals with traitors. His loyalty is unquestionable, he never disobeys a direct order even if he tends to have his particular way of follow them (always more violent, more loud). At the same time, he doesn't seem to be on the claws of Kisaki, not totally at least (Takuya envies him so much for that, he has seen on his friends the price of being mere puppets).

They were both completely intoxicated and he can't find the will to hate the other. No matter if the memories makes him want to throw up, if the violence really scared him this time. He doesn't blame him, no more than he blames himself.

One of the fews that actually still talks with Mikey, that always knows where their boss is, like an obsessive shadow. Maybe that's the point, Sanzu's true loyalty is to the one who was once called Invincible (he suspects that's also where the pinkette's heart is, even if he'll never dare to ask).

He wonders if he would've allowed Sanzu to do all that to his body if he had been sober. If Sanzu would've done it if he had also been sober. He shivers, not wanting to know the answer to that.

Sometimes, Takuya feels there is two different people inside that damaged man. The unhinged criminal, the psychopath, the mask he shows to the world (like an irony of the one he used to wear back then).

Possessive, controlling, the one that fucks him raw without mercy. Always demanding more, craving every piece of him.

And Haruchiyo,the one that breaks in his arms when he's too high to contain all that pain. His vulnerability feels even more raw, too honest, too broken. Takuya wonders who is Haruchiyo looking when he tears up, caressing his blond locks with an affection that feels too deep for being directed at the younger boy.

Another flashback hits him, sweet voice on his ear, a complete opposite to the actions on the rest of his body. A name repeated on a loop, making him finally try to resist, to complain. Not that the other cares, who knows if he even realizes, too deep in his delusion. In that cursed name. “Mikey, Mikey, Mikey...”

“...Morning, pretty neck.”

Finally, a voice mumbles next to him, aquamarine eyes staring at his neck when he turns around. Haruchiyo touches the marks, guilt crossing his face when he does it.

“Last night... Shit. I'm sorry.”

Is just a whisper, so weak that he almost misses it. But it's full of shame and remorse, feelings that Takuya know too damn well (that are engraved in his body deeper than any mark or bruise the other could do to him).

“It's fine, we were both high. Don't worry about it.”

He tries to shrugged it off and kisses him softly, showing the same sweetness he learned to hide inside of Toman. Earning a faint smile in return, a couple of arms suddenly clinging on to him. Haruchiyo buries his face on the mistreated neck, exhaling loudly with relief. Deeply inhaling his scent right after, almost like it was oxygen.

Is difficult to not get attached and Takuya finds less reasons to resist every day. And it's fine, right? Everything is just fine.

If it wasn't for his body remembering, everything could be fine.

[artemisandhersilverbow]

Ok, if you don't want to engage in some (queer) tin foiling... scroll away.

So first off, I think this song rules. It was one of the few that I let just vibe instead of doing what my brain usually does, which is scrutinize lyrics/marvel over the layers of meaning. It feels like it has Kill Bill energy and that was good enough for me.

My Albatross variation of the TTPD vinyl showed up yesterday — TTPD is perhaps the best her team has done btw — and was pouring over the lyrics last night and paused on I Can Fix Him (No, Really I Can) in particular.

The last line has been one that most people have chuckled at. Like she spent a whole song building up this menacing conceit: "this boy is bad news, but he can't hold a candle to me — I'll handle him." Only to be like, lol jk at the end.

But seeing that last line written out this way scratched at my brain... she really doesn't scream that line at all. Why is it in all caps? And while we're at it... I mean it's an accepted spelling, but technically the incorrect spelling of 'whoa.' It kind of felt, by putting it in caps, like she was calling attention to it. Was it an acronym? Not that I could tell.

But... just to double check... how had she spelled woah/whoa prior? The only song I could think of off the top of my head to check was Better Than Revenge. When reading her lyrics you really wont find 99% of the "whoas" in her discography written because they're more like instrumentals.

And that right there is a "whoa." Of course my eyes twitched at the matching colors of the two vids, but I'll get to that. And then I was only able to find one more written "whoa."

Ok, cool.

But back to Better Than Revenge... It struck me that something had been "fixed" about the song. The famous "she's better known for things that she's done on the mattress" line had been swapped out in the rerecording for "he was a moth to the flame she was holding the matches."

So I looked back at I Can Fix Him... could this be a joke/hint about "fixing" him. Like fixing the pronouns? "WOAH" is an intentional misspelling just by comparing it to her own body of work. But it would be rather clever if the "he" she's referring to (at least on this one layer of the song) was her use of that pronoun in her work. It would make the lines "I can fix him / No, really, I can / And only I can" make even more sense, imo. She's the author of this music and she's rerecording it/making it.

What's more is that the collaged flower in the lyric booklet and the aesthetic of the lyric video are giving me um... big Reputation vibes?

Hey kids, spelling is FUN! Am I absolutely living in delulu thinking that Reputation could also be "fixed" re: pronouns? Oh, I don't doubt it. But I needed to get this out of my brain, out into the world, and let the chips fall as they may and always do.

And at least Taylor Nation is also in on the joke...

[girldragongizzard]

Epilogue 5: The Artist of Being a Dragon

In early May, I guess, Chapman and Nathan got together again at the Makerspace and made me a set of bluetooth headphones I can wear.

Because Chapman is involved, they have a mix of retro-radio and classic cyberpunk styling. They have a cherry wood finish with a gorgeous laser etched esoteric circuit print on them. The metal parts have a rose gold color. And the pads are real leather. And they are weirdly durable. I am unable to scratch them.

Still, Chapman begged me not to take them into a fight.

They're pretty special, because, like my tablet they have an indefinite battery life, and they don't block much outside sound. Wearing them is like having a surround sound system arrayed out on my rooftop, with me in the middle of it. The music can end up being louder than other noises, but if it isn't, there's nothing in particular keeping me from hearing anything else.

Before dracomorphosis, I would have preferred sound blocking headphones, to manage my sensory processing disorder. But now my ears work the way my brain expects them too, and I really need to be able to hear what's going on in the rest of the city. Especially if another dragon is calling out. Especially right now, while I'm still constructing an egg in my uterus.

I kind of feel like "uterus" is the wrong word for that, as much as I like having one. Mine's more of a fucking crucible.

"Fucking" is the operative word there, you know.

Anyway, they did this because several of my humans thought that music would help calm me down and help me bide my time between suitors and other distractions. And, I honestly really appreciate it.

So, then, Kimberly gave me Chappell Roan's "The Rise of Fall of a Midwest Princess" and holy shit. Lesbian music is Like That now?

If you were to reread my trilogy while just listening to that album, I think it would make a pretty good soundtrack and give you an overall better feeling of what it's like to me. Though, I have some other music now to add to it.

Incidentally, I've been listening to that album almost nonstop on repeat, except for when I'm exploring her other music, and going down little pop culture rabbit holes. For instance, a few days ago, I heard her cover of "What's Up?!" by 4 Non Blondes, which I absolutely remember losing my shit to when I was a teenager. So, I had to revisit their music, and that particular album, "Bigger, Better, Faster, More!".

Did you know the lead singer of 4 Non Blondes was an out lesbian while she was singing for that band?

I did not.

I would have thought at least Kurt Loder on MTV would have told me, but nope! I do not remember that happening. Maybe I missed it.

It turns out that nearly every female led band I loved when I was a teen was queer in some way. And also, like, Billie Joe Armstrong of Greenday. What?!

So, anyway, I had a little week of collecting both old and new queer music, and that's my whole playlist now. I've also got Mary Lambert in there. And Karen O and Metric, though I'm not sure if either of them are queer, but they fit in the mix really damn well anyway. Oh, oh, and Halsey's song "I'm not a woman, I'm a god." And then the Nimona sountrack led me to Santigold, and she led me down the path of Black queer artists, and now I've got Jackie Shane and Janelle Monae. And I'm asking Kimberly to hook me up specifically with trans artists.

And she's like, "Darling, I'm in five bands. Here's my Bandcamp."

If I had a bedroom wall of my own, it would be slathered with posters by now.

I've never understood that, but I do now.

We might be headed toward the latest hottest Summer on record, with an utterly devastating hurricane season to follow, and I might be a harbinger of massive evolutionary upheaval during one of the world's biggest and fastest mass extinction events, but humanity sure is showering me with the best music ever at just the right time.

Sorry if that seems like flippant disregard for events that are killing way too many people and other animals, but things are changing. It's not going to turn out the way it was going to just a year ago. The future is different now. And you're part of it.

All of this is to say, though, that on this afternoon I'm listening to that Chappell Roan cover of "What's Up?!" while lounging on my rooftop, giving everyone else a break from my intensity. And my tail is flipping back and forth to the music, kind of like a cat's. If a cat had a little single-horned thagomizer to make a satisfying thump with.

I have no visits scheduled for the next three days, and I'm just letting myself get lost in the music.

I've listened to this song enough, I might be able to sing portions of it. Not as words I understand coming from my mouth, but as music. A sort of whistling that sounds a lot like the instruments, and maybe occasionally the vocals.

I might actually be trying to do that. And it might not sound great to anyone without my headphones on, but I'm alone up here and no one can stare at me or tap my shoulder.

And yeah, some of my neighboring dragons might be complaining occasionally. Or, they're reacting to something, but I've got my eyes closed and I don't care.

And then I feel it. My Artistry sensing nerve gets plucked.

It feels like a chittering skitter, with some snaps and ratchety clicks. There's a rhythm to it that matches the music I'm listening to, and reminds me a little bit of a dolphin and a little bit of Nine Inch Nails. And in particular, I find it soothing. Soothing and energizing.

My muscles want to relax every time it repeats, and I also feel the need to look.

Which I do.

I've already pinpointed where it's coming from, so my head has turned and is tracking the source before I even open my eye.

There's an Artist in the sky.

And like Fenmere, they are a dragon.

Their colors, in the crudest of terms, are green, gold, blue, and brown. But, like, whole gamuts of each of those colors. There are too many words to pick from to describe them. They're almost opalescent in places. It's like if a forest were a sunset with wings, talons, tail, and the most glorious head of teeth, horns, wattle, eyes, and scales.

Holy crud, that face. That pattern of scales!

Have you seen the wattle and jowls of a dragon iguana? Do a search and look. It's like that, but shaped a bit different, because their head is more like a cross between a melanosuchas (a type of really cute caiman) and an ankylosaurus. And I might have more visions of more animals in my head than I've ever realized.

I'm wondering if there's more to it than nearly fifty one years of an intense special interest in dragons and animals that look kind of like us. I almost distract myself from the wonder that's circling me by thinking about this, but I really can't.

If you could just see the flight muscles at work on this creature.

The shape of those claws!

My child must —

I mean.

I don't see any kind of material offering in this person's possession, so they must be here on some other business, Artist to dragon, or dragon to dragon. Or they are mistaken about my willingness to bend on my own demands.

Unless they're carrying it in that generous crop of theirs, and they'll barf it up for me. That'd be —

Um.

This is an Artist, Meghan. Do not fuck with them.

I touch my tablet twice to turn off the music, sort of to irritate myself out of my infatuation, and manage to call out, "What?"

As I do that, I notice that I also jerk my chin up once, slightly gaping my jaw, and slam my tail down on the roof. And I know that that means exactly the same thing as the English word I've just uttered.

"I come, your Highness, bearing the gift of language for you and many enticing traits for your egg to choose from," says my latest suitor. Only, they say it by jerking their chin up twice, chirping and trilling, tilting their left wing down toward me ever so slightly, and wiggling their ass mid flight as they circle.

The "Your Highness" part is just my brain's interpretation of servile deference, and I have to say I react to it as if it is genuine and not at all embarrassing.

But, OK, as I'm succumbing to this rakish drake, I do need to take an aside to address something that's been bothering me. Irking me. In the wake of defeating a very wealthy and powerful white supremacist, it feels pretty gross to be so focused on collecting desirable genetic traits for my child. Even now, I'm reacting to it by thinking about who I should fuck next to compensate, and that's not a charitable way to think about whoever that might be.

Except, look. We're not here to breed a new master race. I do not believe we're meant to replace any lifeforms on the planet. We're here to mix things up, and inject more creative diversity back into all the species of the planet when they might need it the most. I don't know exactly how, when all we can work with at the moment are the more complex and larger animals.

But, like, imagine this. This is just a wild hypothesis I just made up on gut feelings and instinct, and maybe something that's going on between me and this draconic Artist. What if we're not actually changing anything for the current megafauna of the planet? What if what we're doing is actually on the microscopic level, with bacteria and single celled eukaryotes, with fauna, flora, and fungus? All of it? Maybe even viruses?

What if every time we have sex with another creature, we're collecting more than just their reproductive gametes, but also their microbiome? And mixing that with our own?

What if our own microbiomes are as diverse as we are? And spreading and breeding with the rest of the world on that level?

What if my child is to be a culmination of all of the life I've sampled, maybe even eaten, so that they can carry that diversity with them as they go find a new territory?

And you might worry that we might bring new and wildly dangerous diseases, and that might be the case. But we live in harmony with humans now. We are part of your lives and well being. A symbiotic relationship forged in myth and dream. What if, for those of you who are close to us, we're also sharing some of our immune system, because that's what all our microbiomes can be?

Like, all of this is just raw speculation, with no evidence sparking the thought. Just wishful thinking based on horniness and some internal sense of identity and purpose I feel I was born with. And this sex drive that makes me want to fuck everything that's willing.

With a mythological being such as myself, there's got to be a reason for that, and this is what I've come up with.

Maybe I'm lying to myself and to you, but I think we represent the opposite of what the racial purists are fighting for. That's what I want us to be, at least. I want life on Earth to live long and diverse and beautiful, and to explore all the ways it might do that.

But still, for my first time around, I'm restraining myself and focusing on people I can talk with in some way for potential mates.

And by the Shadows of the Moon, this dragon that's cruising around me is using the language of my own dreams to talk to me, and I'm talking back!

"My name is Dragon," they say. "And I am visiting every Dragon Queen to offer myself to her egg and elucidation."

Dragon. Are they the Artist of Being a Dragon? Is there such a thing?

And Dragon Queen? Is that what the whole "queen" thing has actually been about? The term we're going use for this year's egg layer? I kind of like that.

"Elucidate me, Dragon. What do you know?" I demand.

"Allow me to land."

"Do, and prove yourself."

They circle one more time and swing wide so that they can come in straight and slow to land in front of me on the very edge of my roof, giving me as much room as possible. Then they take a few steps forward, bowing their head low, tail and wings high in the air, talons to the ground. Their tail is rigid and shaking, reminiscent of the convulsions of a cloacal kiss.

The royal audacity of them!

"Go on," I say. I could dash my tablet on the sidewalk below and it would not impair my ability to speak with this one. And the only noises we're making are infrasonic to humans and quiet enough that dragons a block away wouldn't clearly hear us.

"My Art is being me, and I am very good at it," they brag. "But I did not fully understand it until nearly a year ago, during dracomorphosis. I have always been a dragon, but I did not know the word for it until it was invented. And I couldn't speak to other dragons until you existed. You have given me the meaning I've been seeking my entire life. And I am here to thank you for it."

"Humans would call you Silvertongue," I observe, masterfully withholding my true feelings behind a mask of indifference, I think. But, ooh, if they aren't lying, that's some valuable information! "Tell me more. But drop the act."

I feel their skittering shift, and then they lick the air with a tongue that is silver colored.

"Like the grandest of stories, I can change my shape to resemble any creature I like. My form is as malleable as your own voice, and so is yours. You can already take another form. I can and will gladly teach you the rest of that skill, and set you on the path to exploring it for yourself," they report. "Also, anyone who drinks a portion of my blood can speak to any animal, including humans. And I am prepared to give that gift to you, should you accept it. In return, I only ask of you to accept my sweetest intercourse, and whichever of my natural traits your child wishes to retain for themself."

"You are very bad at not talking like a courtly suitor," I comment.

"I am a courtly suitor, My Queen," they say, bowing again.

"You are also an Artist, and I've been told not to trust Artists. By other Artists," I say.

"Wise," they admit. "I would tell you the same. I would tell you not to trust me. But you need not. If I offend you at any point, strike me down and consume my body. I will let you."

My body is telling me that I have never heard anything so hot in my entire life. I feel myself going a little crosseyed with it.

I take a very deep breath and let it out slowly through my nose, knowing that even that gesture is an expression that speaks volumes to Dragon, here.

Also, I have to say. As a trans person and therian who has experienced a significant amount of physical dysphoria, this talk of my child choosing their own physical traits from the samples I collect for them? The idea that they could have some kind of agency before they even exist? That's making me melt, even if I don't know if it's true.

I want it to be true.

Still, I feel like I should test this individual definitively somehow. Something to get them to show me their true devotion. I want the dragon magic that they say they can teach me, but if I already have it I can figure it out myself. No, it has to be something personal for them.

But what?

Oh. I know what I need, actually.

I reach for my tablet and use it to message Rhoda. And I make Dragon wait so that I can tell her, "I have a strange Artist here courting me. They call themself Dragon." I look meaningfully up at Dragon, then back down at the tablet and send the question, "May I ask you to judge them in your own way, and give me or revoke your consent for them to court me? I'll take any answer, including figure it out myself. I just wanted you to have a say, if you want it."

After a little bit, I get the reply, "Meghan, that's a lot."

"It is," I reply. "I am a little overwhelmed and about to say, 'yes'."

"Cool yourself, and make them wait," she tells me. "I'm on my way up now. I want to get a look at them."

"Thank you. I love you," I respond.

I get a black heart emoji in return. It's her thing for me when she's too busy to type anything else, and she's being reassuring.

"Wait," I tell Dragon.

"Very well," they reply.

And we both settle down and loaf. They're smiling. I'm not. I'm watching them like they might steal my food.

Then I think, Rhoda shouldn't have to open that hatch by herself, so I get up, keeping on eye on Dragon, and go to open it for her.

I'm well ahead of her movement, of course. She takes the elevator, and I'd expect nothing else of her. But also, she doesn't walk all that fast. And I sit there on my haunches, resting on my foreknuckles, tail wrapped around me, watching Dragon.

Eventually, I hear her cane. And then she softly curses before climbing the ladder, cane clanging against it, and coming into view.

I hold up a limp-wristed claw for her to use as a handhold, and then gently help to lift her out of the hatch, so she can step easily onto the roof.

And she steps forward and hunches over her cane and squints at Dragon.

"Can you talk, or do you need a device?" Rhoda asks.

I feel that stuttering shift again, and then Dragon replies, "I can talk."

"You're too fancy," she states.

"I am the Artist of Being a Dragon," Dragon responds. "How else can I be?"

"Crude. Monstrous. Of the people," Rhoda tells them. She gestures expansively at Fairport, and I know she's indicating my neighbors. "You know. Good qualities."

"Ah."

"Eh," she waves a hand at them. Then she turns and heads back toward the hatch. Stopping there, she looks up at me and says, "This isn't my business. This is dragon stuff. It's up to you."

I expected her to say something like that, but I still feel an incredible amount of disappointment. I don't want our relationship to be that divided, particularly over this. She matters to me, and the impact that I have on her life matters to me. Since I am going to lay an egg and see to it that it hatches, I want that child to be as compatible with her as possible. If she wants nothing to do with my child, that's fine. I just want her to have every opportunity to negotiate that relationship herself! I want her to know that it is her business if she wants it to be.

This breaks my resolve and I feel the need to tell her. Before I can stop myself, I'm stretching to reach my tablet and pull it within talking range to say, "I want this be your child too. If you want."

The look on her face startles me, such an intense mix of emotions, and she asks, "How?"

"Somehow," I respond. "Maybe Chapman help."

She is fully informed by now about how my breeding works. She knows I'm opening myself up to every dragon in town, and why, and she agrees with it. And she knows I've marked myself as not open to humans on my app account. And I've already said multiple times I intend to take all of the childcare into my own claws and mouth. I'll accept help from my family, meaning her and my other humans, but I won't expect it. It should be disappointingly light work, in any case.

She closes her eyes and relaxes every muscle with an exhale of breath, then turns more calmly and looks at Dragon again.

"I can see what you see in them," she says. "I imagine they can teach you a lot, too, of course. And the more we both know, the better." She squints at me with a grim but satisfied smile, considering me in some way, and then points at Dragon and addresses them, "You. Come down to our apartment and have dinner with us. You and I have gotta talk some shit before I let you court my girl, you hear?"

"Yes, Ma'am," says Dragon.

"That's a good start." Then she turns to me, "And you. You shoulda asked me sooner. But I get why you didn't. You were thinking of me and tryin' a give me space, and I appreciate that. But you should know that if you hadn't a asked just now, we'd a had a talk later tonight." She grins, looking really smug. "And it sounds like it mighta gone well anyway."

—

After a long talk with Dragon, I decide I do not want to be able to talk to or understand seagulls, so I forgo that particular offer. Even if it means I won't ever be able to speak a human language fluently, I'm fine with that. I can fully speak and understand draconic now, and people can learn that if they need to.

[garf-lover96]

my long ass elaborate ranking of Will Wood's (and The Tapeworms') albums!! (Everything is a Lot ranking list)

for the purpose of making this i've been listening to this whole album like non stop for the past week. i even made my parents listen to it with me (my mom liked it and said that she'd go to see the songs live if she could!). it was actually pretty difficult to rank all of them but i think the top 3 will remain unchanged forever, they're some of my all time favorites from will wood!! the way i'll do this i think is i'll write down all the things i like about a particular song, maybe a favorite lyric and a favorite moment or something. or just some general rambling. also i split Everything is a Lot into Everything is a Lot and Destroy to Enjoy, like in the remastered album!

———

1. Skeleton Appreciation Day in Vestal, NY (Bones)

first time i heard this song was over a year ago so i can't tell what my exact first impression was but it did almost immediately become my favorite song ever. I LOVE IT SO MUCH IT'S INSANE. also fun fact, memberoflottiescult really likes this song!

my main thing with this song is that it sounds like?? you know, bones?? it sounds like skeletons. the melody is like something a skeleton would've come up with. i can't explain it but it is hearable. best song ever

2. 6up 5oh Cop-Out (Pro / Con)

it was one of the first will's songs i've ever liked on spotify. ughhhh the energy, the general mashing of the piano and it sounding like it's about to fall apart any second lol!! the high ass notes. perfect, so perfect. i was listening to this song while purchasing a meter long plush goose. the song is like a brother to me

my favorite part is the spoken "am i being detained? am i under arrest? read me my rights please! I WANT MY PHONECALL" it's uhfhdfhkf. showstopping

3. White Knuckle Jerk (Where Do You Get Off?)

it took me exactly one (1) full listen to this one to absolutely fall in love with it, holy fuck. one of the best things i've ever heard. every time it's on i have to loop it a few times

my favorite parts are the "i wonder how i woke up in the middle of my surgery and i watched them botch my heart. only the second worst thing that i could've thought was 'this won't have to end if it doesn't start'" and "i'll never know what it's like to love you" because ummm???? the emotion in his voice omfg, i love it when this happens. it's so perfect (reminds me of julian devorak..........)

4. Lygerside Daydream

had me hooked after the first listen as well. i love the melody and i love how the lyrics are written here. i, too, want to blow the seeds of dandelions and wish for nothing more. such a sweet sound. one of my favorites as well. nice to daydream to, ha!!!

5. Front Street

idk how to explain this but the pace of the song, like the way the lyrics are sung is so satisfying. just the sentence structure and stuff.. uhhh i really don't know how to describe this, but i love it a whole lot. the piano melody here is amazing as well it so???? I DON'T FUCKING KNOW it's just good

6. The First Step

so nice to sing along to!!! "and i hope i don't choke on my vomit tonight" and "take my anxiety and my sobriety, i'll kill two birds with one stoner. so if you see me please, take my keys i don't wanna be an organ donor" are my favorite parts:3 so satisfyingly said

7. Chemical Overreaction / Compound Fracture

one of my first ones too i'm pretty sure. the chorus really pulled me in. fast and fun. i think i showed it to my godfather once. the spanish part scratches my brain so good

8. Cover This Song (A Little Bit Mine)

very nice to sing along to as well. i love the melody on the very first verse. i love the part with the piano solo so much

9. Everything is a Lot

i love the melody sooooooo much, "all the moments you've lost, all the money it cost" part is my favorite. shouldn't be overlooked!!!!!

10. Red Moon

i had to come around to it a bit but i actually love it. love the "the constellations form infinite paisleys in the sky" part, such a nice sound. satisfying lyrics in general

11. Thermodynamic Lawyer Esq. G.F.D.

nice to listen to when i want to have something screaming into my ears. loooove the fact that liar liar was sampled in the beginning, i really like that movie. i used to be obsessed with jim carrey also. i binged pretty much all of his movies as a little lad

12. Jimmy Mushrooms' Last Drink: Bedtime in Wayne, NJ

the kalimba kind of bothered me initially but i got used to it. i enjoy the melody. don't have much to say about it

13. ¡Aikido! (Neurotic / Erotic)

it's not horrible by any means, it just kind of doesn't do it for me. i usually skip it

14. Destroy to Enjoy

satisfying rhymes, i prefer not to listen to construction work as a past time

———

this took so long to put together, i kept forgetting about it or rearranging it...

[macabrevampire]

Your top 10 NIN tracks of all time. Go. (Sorry I know this is an evil question)

LITERALLY SO EVILLLLL DUDE.... OF ALL TIME??? HOW AM I MEANT TO ONLY CHOOSE 10...... and so definitively as well </3

Lights In The Sky! This is really predictable of me but I adore tracks that are downbeat and mellow, n this song especially is so special to me <3 His whispery vocals almost put me in a trance. Listening to it feels like someone sitting with you in your depression, comforting you but not forcing you to feel any other way. "Watching you drown / I'll follow you down / and I am here right beside you"

We're In This Together! Okay, to be completely truthful with you, This has to be my ultimate favorite Nine Inch Nails song if only by instrumental alone. Seriously, I'm obsessed with the background music for this one. It's difficult for me to describe the ways in which I adore this song because of how numerous they are <3

The Great Below! Another track where his vocals are kind of whispery LMAO maybe there's a pattern here... I'm probably going to say this about each song lol but this one is so special to me. The background in this one especially stands out to me, specifically around 3:10 to 4:00!! "Is there hope for me after all is said and done?" is something that repeats in my head a lot

Copy of a! It'd be remiss to not mention this song given how it's been special to me for quite literally years…One of the most iconic Nine Inch Nails songs, in my opinion ^_^ "I am just a shadow of a shadow of a shadow / Always tryin' to catch up with myself"

In This Twilight! I fucking ADORE the weird kind of pig-like(?) noises that you can hear repeating in the song, particularly around 0:18 to 0:35 and 1:46 to 2:00. It scratches an itch in my brain, honestly

God Given! I'm gonna sound so stupid LMAO okay but well I love how this song is (what I believe to be) a commentary on religion or, in particular, the way cults seem to use religion as a means of control. Might be way off base with that but like. that's how I perceive it. Anyways this song is really cool n I love it ^_^

Me, I'm not! One of my latest obsessions when it comes to NIN but this song is positively superb...screams out loud <3 Struggling to express just how much I really enjoy this track. Honestly I think all of Year Zero is phenomenal, most every track is a favorite of mine. "I can swallow it down / keep it all inside / I define myself by how well I hide" <- sooooo me...

The Greater Good! This track also has very quiet, whispering vocals… the pattern is there LMAO. Positively adore the background music, It plays in my head a lot. It's kind of cute? idk how else to put it, especially around 0:47 to 1:00… there may be something wrong with me but well <3

Satellite! Haven't got a lot to say when it comes to this track, I just think it's one of the more fun ones to listen to ^_^ The instrumental/background music for this song is SO catchy, particularly around the chorus. Listening to this is kind of a pick-me-up lol, I find it really enjoyable

Adrift & At Peace! Including this one to honor baby Leo, given that he was a huge fan of it and it would feel a betrayal to myself to not put it somewhere on the list. Very calming, one of the first instrumental tracks of NIN that I got obsessed with :3

SORRY FOR THE LENGTHY ASS POST OMFG... Most of these songs can be switched around, though regardless of order these are all among my favorites ^o^ Thank you kindly for asking!! literally means the world 2 me <3

[thyinum]

I don't know how you feel about house / tropical house music, but recently I stumbled across The Feeling by Kygo and the Yangvik vibes in the lyrics are strong. Or my brain has just been replaced by the two of them, that's likely too. (Btw, I randomly stumbled across your art and the way you drew them was the last push I needed to go read the novels and now I'm fully on board, screaming crying chewing glass about them. So I guess your art is really that amazing :) )

Oh. My. God.

You're so right, I'm obsessed now. I rarely listen to this kind of music, but this particular song scratched my brain the right way and went straight to my playlist.

Also welcome aboard! I'm really happy my art had such an impact on you 💙🧡

Here's the song for all the Yangvik fans to listen to!

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

@scarabrat asked for my fav jjk osts so i shall deliver >:33 ….. i tried to limit myself but. it didn’t go very well. i love these soundtracks so fucking much oughhhhhh

anyway!!! in order of appearance:

ryomen sukuna

FULL-BODY SHIVERS . GORGEOUS . TERRIFYING. LITERALLY PERFECT FOR HIM . godddddd literally every single part of this song is SO sukuna and it’s just so seamless??? the choral parts fading into more traditionally eastern melodies….. it’s just . such a gorgeous gorgeous ost. i love that the choir in particular returns so much in sukuna’s s2 tracks ……. i can’t help but love him he’s so fucking sick

countermeasure for domain expansion

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HYPE . SOSO HYPE. I WILL CRY . i have nothing to say for this one it’s literally just earworms for my shounen meathead brain (BUT GOD IT’S JUST . suchhh a beautifully constructed track it drives me wild)…….

stand in the darkness

my goddddddddddddddd this one….. the vocals are gorgeous... the instrumentals are stunning…. AND THE LYRICS . ”swear that you’ll still watch over me”………. :((((((( hhhhhh . it’s just such a lovely song. it makes me cry . i especially love the final ”the world keeps on spinning // as if nothing had happened” line…………….. it’s so perfect for yuji :(((( also sugu . but we can’t get into that i’ll cry and throw up

hollow purple

:3333 MY BELOVED . you know i had to. the beat drop goes so ridiculously hard it’s ????????? i’m STILL not over it this ost is such a mindtrip 😭 and the build up is soooooo tasty. wowow. the chorus goes so crazy it sounds like a geometry dash song and i love it SO much . it’s ear candy . perfect for gojo and his silly little reality breaking attack / out of this world attitude <333 i’ll love this track forever and ever it’s so FUNNNNN!!!!!

special grade vengeful cursed spirit: RIKA

SOOOOO INSANELY HYPE. I LOVE RIKA. this is such an insane track and it’s sooooo perfect for her. the way it starts so strongly only to slowly fade into a tender melody…. it’s just so good. her scenes are so good !!!! the dichotomy she has!!!!! honestly i just love every single part of this i think it’s so wonderful….. but the first part esp scratches my brain :33

this is pure love

we all knew it was coming <3333 it’s just. suchhhh a gorgeous track . the soft piano motif coming back full force…. i absolutely ADORE the geto vs yuuta fight and their final clash never ever fails to get me emotional!!!! then there’s obviously the stsg scene right after :’3 the fact that this track only plays for yuuta/rika and satosugu will never not make me feel insane . i like to think of it as the one and only moment they both opened their hearts to one another completely so . the name is fitting. stsg against the world that is all 🙏 this track paired w sakurai’s voice acting made me cry like a BABY……

if i am with you

OUGHHHHH . OUGH . another one that Has to be on this list bc it’s just …,.. soooooo fucking beautiful i love every single scene that it’s used in and i love how much it adds to the scenes in question. the aquarium!!!! satoru’s enlightenment!!!!!! his ”the world just feels so, so wonderful right now.” line is one of my favs…… this track is just so stunning i can’t even believe it :((( esp when it gets to the climax….. feels so unbelievably bittersweet. i think it conveys the whole theme of ”all good things must come to an end” soooo well …..

delirious

BANGERRRRRR . BANGER . toji vs gojo round 2 my BELOVED when this started playing i fell to my knees and wept 🙏🙏🙏 IT’S SO GOODDDDD i absolutely adore the hollow purple leitmotif at 1:20!!!!!!!!!! soso much!!!!!!! it’s the perfect theme for gojo…. it’s just so hype and fun………. top 3 anime osts to go insane to

arrogance

THIS OST . GOD . GODDDDDDD . :(((((((( our sugu’s turning point …… i think what breaks my heart most is how Hopeful it sounds . how light it is. one thing i wish people talked about more when it comes to suguru’s choice is that it really did save his life!!!! i think it was always very much a ”me or them” situation…… one has to die . and just… hearing this theme . which really does sound so enlightened . to me . almost like a condescending parody of if i am with you/all of gojo’s themes…… i just love it so muchhhhhh this is one of my absolute favs…. gosh……… it adds so much to the scene it’s insane!!!! i love suguru geto . sobs.

premature

give it up for cult leader geto our beloved <33 i HAD to mention this one bc i just . am so weak. for auditory storytelling . the uncoordinated clapping turning controlled once geto makes his choice……. once he gains control of his mind again. it’s sooo terrifying in a way . for the record the scene where this plays is one of my Absolute Favs in all of jjk i literally cried dilly . episode 5 my BELOVED.

three years of youth overflowing

i am nothing if not predictable <33 but i really do love this track soooo much. it caught me so off guard!!!!! i love how they adapted the reunion scene….. the SMILE on gojo’s face that only lasts a split second :((((( this just sounds so nostalgic and lovely and it really does encompass their most cherished moments together!!!!! the piano……. sniffle…. genuinely just The most gorgeous ost ever

that one unreleased ost that plays at the very end of the kenjaku confrontation and completely shattered my brain chemistry

KENNY THE ACTUAL LOMLLLLLLLLL HE’S SO GOOD. THIS OST IS SO GOOD. IT BLEW ME AWAY. it’s so. imposing somehow. but also so calm. it has this magical vibe…… it literally sounds like a ghibli ost at the very end and i love it SO much it’s so perfect for him. it changed who i am as a person. when kenjaku does their speech and flaunts the prison realm before leaving… LIFE CHANGING . it’s just gorgeous i’m PRAYING that it makes a comeback in s3 maybe specifically for my belovedest jjk fight yuki vs kenny vs choso…. though i could honestly see this playing somewhere during the zenin confrontation. ANYWAY i just love it the final part is soso tasty :3

OKKKK THAT’S ALL.,… i lied here r the honourable mentions :333

occult phenomenon research club / the beginning / straw doll technique resonance / it’s a promise / a mission / toji fushiguro / no hesitation / memories / jujutsu sorcerer - nobara kugisaki / highest jumping …. (nobara 🤝 having banger theme songs)

anyway . THANK YOU FOR READING THIS DILLY plspls share your favs as well …. if you want……. no pressure ……… (a little pressure)……………. (i Really want 2 know 😔) here is a cute sugu for you. he loves you <3333

[thedragonagebigbang]

Bang Creator Interview: Tumblr: @oxygenforthewicked  |  AO3: Oxygenforthewicked

The Collaboration period has begun! In these quiet months before works are due, we want to foster a sense of excitement, camaraderie, and celebration among our participants. To that end, all participants were given the option of a formal interview by our mod, Dema, or an informal “ask-game” survey. We hope you enjoy getting to know our phenomenal creators as much as we have!

10 Reasons Why Rift Hopping Is Probably Hazardous to Your Health (Hint: Cassandra Is One of Them)

Gin and Dema talk process, inspiration, and what to do when a character kicks down your door

Dema: Since this is a Big Bang I'll start there: have you done one before? If you have, what made you want to do it again? If not: what made you wanna give it a go? 

Gin: I've considered being a part of a Big Bang event before but I haven't actually done one yet. However, after seeing all of the fics and artwork that came out of other bangs last year, I got a better feel for it and decided I wanted to give it a try!

Dema: So exciting! Are you finding that this process feels different from how you usually write?

Gin: Not really, honestly. I've done NaNoWriMo in the past, and this feels similar in terms of working towards a set goal. I think the big difference (and better difference, honestly) is that this is much more community-centered, and the goal is to finish the project instead of just reaching a word count minimum. That in and of itself is a really refreshing new challenge.

Dema: When you tackle a project like this, what does that look like for you?

Gin: Usually I like to prepare a concept/vague outline first, write out in more detail the major plot points, create a mood playlist, and just start writing! I do tend to carve out time for writing, too, as that helps me focus better.

Dema: How much time do you feel like you need in a chunk? (Me, interviewing: “So, writing. How Do You Do It. AND WHY??)

Gin: It depends. Sometimes I can write for several consecutive hours, other times my brain can only handle about thirty minutes. Either way, I know that as long as I get words on the page, I'm making progress! But creativity isn't something that can be forced, so if the words just aren't coming out, I'll take a break for a while and refresh my brain by reading a book or watching something. Once my creative battery is full again, I can knock out a huge chunk of the project, and that usually feels so much better than trying to strongarm my brain into getting words out.

Dema: Is there something you are reading or watching right now that is providing particular inspiration? Or if not inspiration, rejuvenation?

Gin: Yes, actually! I'm currently reading A Wise Man's Fear by Patrick Rothfuss, and it's been giving me all sorts of good inspiration.

Dema: Oh yes! I love that book. Is there anything in particular about it that's scratching the itch?

Gin: The lore and worldbuilding are both so interesting, but I'm also just very invested in the characters. This series so far has done a great job of creating a rich world with fleshed-out characters, an intricate magic system, and I love the complexity of the relationships. (In short, all of it!) 

Dema: Hard agree, I love those complicated characters and dynamics. Speaking of characters, when you're crafting an OC, what's your starting point? What was the spark that birthed Saeris, if you want to be more specific?

Gin: Most of the time, it's a picture or a song that sparks the initial concept. But there are other times when OCs kick down the door in my head and decide that they live there rent-free. Saeris was one of those characters. Admittedly, I did intend on creating Saeris for a specific project after reading The Horror of Hormak, but he was supposed to be a minor character that I was going to write once and never write again after that. (Boy was I wrong.) But what really sparked the inspiration for him was a photo I found while looking up references for gray eyes. The vibe of that photo just seemed like it fit him so well that his entire character quickly started unfolding bit by bit after that. I chose a name for him, a class, and all of it snowballed until he became my most fleshed-out character (and my favorite).

Dema: How long ago was that?

Gin: April 2022

Dema: Awwww! He’s two! 

Gin: LOL! It was when the event I was writing him for took place. 

Dema: I will not ask you if your Bang fic involves Saeris because I do not want to pry any spoilers from you, but thank you for your click-bait title and for your interview! Gin: Sounds good! And thank you!! It was very fun chatting.

[ghostwise]

omg pls pls pls

6. Randomly while holding hands bringing joined hands together to kiss the back of the hand

phonophilia - She's a consummate killer, but she's a bard first and foremost. Aya muses on Astarion's voice.

“Were you ever a musician?”

Astarion looks up, brows raised so high as to blend neatly with his white curls. “Come again?” he asks, reining in his surprise.

Aya regards him appraisingly for a moment. She’s been silent for a while, strumming at her lute. As Wyll and Lae'zel have gone off to investigate a somewhat precarious area past the cliffs west of the temple, she and Astarion are alone for the time being. The question came out of nowhere.

“You ever, you know, sing? Play an instrument?” she elaborates, her voice low. “You have a good voice, so I wondered if you’d ever put it to any musical purpose.” She then scans him again with a lopsided grin. “Your fingers are very graceful. I can picture them on a violin maybe? Or a piano? Or is a harpsichord more your speed?”

“Absolutely not,” Astarion scoffs.

And yet, his interest is piqued. After a beat he scoots close to her, and aims a wry smile in her direction.

“You have me curious now, though. Tell me more about my graceful fingers and good voice.”

Her laugh is deep in her throat, a gruff sound that scratches his brain just so. “Well, for starters, you have a really smooth timbre. A lot of color to it. Your vocal placement is interesting; you speak with your chest but flip to your head voice often, and sometimes back and forth in a characteristic way. It’s not easy for everyone.”

“I’m not everyone, darling,” Astarion purrs, utterly pleased with himself and only half understanding her.

“That’s true,” she says with a sigh. “I would love to see those vocal chords of yours.” 

To be honest, music and lyricism aren’t in his realm of interests. Poetry in particular leaves a bad taste in his mouth. Settings where orchestras and waltzes take place make him wary, for a variety of reasons… but it’s undeniably charming to hear her speak so passionately about anything that isn’t murder.

As if reading his mind, she reaches for Astarion’s hands. Now they are to be assessed. She looks at them, slowly running her fingertips over his knuckles, and feeling his wrists.

The rough feeling of her calloused fingertips might have put him off once, but somehow it elicits a different feeling as of late. Shivers. Sparks.

“These hands are quite nimble,” she says. “Surprisingly strong, too. Whether picking a lock or cutting throats, you do everything with such finesse, Astarion. Put to the right instrument, and you would be great, oh, I am sure of it.”

“Perhaps.”

He turns his hands over and she quickly laces their fingers together over the lute, which still rests solidly between them.

“Even so, I think I’ll leave it to you,” Astarion says, eyes fixed to her freckled wrists, and the soft shadow of her pulse fluttering there. “You seem to have it covered. I've yet to see you encounter an instrument your talented hands can’t coax into song.”

“Believe me, it’s a surprise to me too, each time,” Aya says. “I never remember until I have it in my hands. And I cannot recall how I came to all of it, but…”

“But?” Astarion presses.

“I suppose I like it.” Aya shrugs lightly. Her grip goes slack in his hands. “I think music must be the only good I am capable of putting in the world.”

He could be imagining the tinge of sadness in her words. Perhaps it’s there for his benefit, perhaps not, but he’s inclined to think the latter. And he’d rather like it gone. She’d been all lit up just a moment ago.

“Don’t look so glum, my dear,” he says, and raises her hands to his lips. “Come. Play me something. I’ll sing you a song.”

[vmures]

No Skip Albums: Tag Game ✨️

Thank you @oldefashioned for the tag! 💜 Music is one of my favorite things.

Rules: share the albums that you can listen to nonstop. those lightning in a bottle-albums that scratch ur brain just right. every single track, an absolute banger. u could not skip one if u tried. no notes. stunning, show-stopping, immaculate. ur no-skip albums.

These are listed in no particular order. Pretty much just as I think of them.

Beyoncé - Cowboy Carter

This is a phenomenal album all the way through and I've been listening to it a whole lot. I love the various music traditions that get interwoven throughout. It's truly a genre defying album while also being very much a country album. It also reminds me of my own Louisianan roots.

2. Taylor Swift - Midnights

Taylor's got a lot of great albums and compelling songs but this one really drew me in and I can just listen to it on repeat for hours.

3. Tracy Chapman - Collection

It was super hard to pic a single album by Tracy Chapman cause many of hers fit this tag game for me. But collection is one I absolutely love. So many great songs. Tracy is one of my favorite artists. Her voice is so beautiful and powerful and her lyrics so thoughtful and potent. It's music that just speaks to my soul.

4. Natalie Merchant - Tigerlily

I probably drove my high school roommates (I went to boarding school for two years) nuts with this one. And all these years later it remains one of my favorite albums. There is something so soothing about it for me.

5. Sarah McLachlan - Fumbling Towards Ecstacy

Another one from my high school years. It's hard to believe this one is celebrating it's 30th anniversary this year. Where on earth did the time go? This one has so many heartfelt songs that I still love to sing along with.

6. Various Artists - The Crow Original Movie Soundtrack

Love the comic, the movie, and this soundtrack. My favorite song on it is still Jane Siberry's It Can't Rain All the Time, but all the songs are fantastic.

8. Fleetwood Mac - Greatest Hits

Another one from my teen years. Lol. I listened to this one so many times I nearly wore my cassette out. 🤣 It ended up being my soundtrack for the entire Last Herald Mage trilogy and to this day when I hear some of the songs I think of those books. Still a fantastic album and still one I really love.

9. Jack Johnson - In Between Dreams

This is another artist I had a hard time picking a single album for. 🤣 Ultimately this one won because it is one of my favorite of his albums. If you can't tell, I have a fondness for well written lyrics and singer-songwriters.

10. Yoko Kano and the Seatbelts - Cowboy Bebop Remixes: Music for Freelance

The entire soundtrack for Cowboy Bebop is amazing, but I have a particular fondness for these remixes. I still love putting this one on and jamming out to it and I enjoy the little segments of Radio Free Mars we get as well.

So there we have it, ten albums I adore and will happily listen to on repeat with no songs skipped.

If you are interested in playing along, please consider yourself tagged! I love learning more about what others enjoy!

Til next time. See you, space cowboy.